What would you do differently?

 Unless you have lost a parent at a young age then you can never know how it feels to do so. Hell, you don't need to be young to struggle with the loss of a parent. I was 22 when my Dad died and it affected me and my life for years, still does at times. I found it hard to process what was happening, how I was feeling, how I should/shouldn't be behaving. It was a horrendous experience and not one I would wish on someone else. 

This week, we've all been subjected to Prince Harry - for multiple reasons - and all I keep seeing are people ripping into him, berating him, being really quite nasty about him; these are people who have never met him, spent time with him, or know anything about him. Now, don't get me wrong, I think he is behaving like a complete dick and has done himself no favours whatsoever, yet, the thing all those knocking him seem to missing is that he has a major mental health issue and even now, at his age, is struggling to deal with the death of his mother (which would have been hard enough had she been sick and passed away, but to die the way she did must have been inconceivable to have to deal with). He was just 12 years old when it happened. If I struggled at 22 knowing my Dad was going to die because he'd been ill, imagine how it must feel to be so young and have your Mum die in such a tragic way. Add to that not being able to grieve in private and it's no wonder the poor guy is struggling. I did some really stupid things after my Dad died - admittedly I did them in the few years after his death, and not 30 years later, but we all deal with death and grief differently. There is no right, or wrong, way of dealing with it and our feelings. Just this week I was chatting with a customer in his 60's who was going to visit his Dad's grave for the first time; the reason he was going is because his counsellor suggested it might be a good idea for him to. He was just 12 when his Dad died. For over 50 years he has struggled with his mental health as a result of his Dad dying when he was so young. My own niece, the most wonderful youngling you could have wished to meet. She was an incredible little girl. Kind, warm, loving, someone you loved to be around and wanted to spend time with. A young girl who we all believed would grow to be an equally beautiful loving soul when she was older; someone we would spend days out with, go away for weekends with, love to watch her children grow up with. Her Mum died when she was aged 12. By the age of 14 she was vile, by the age of 20 she had changed into the most despicable creature I've come across (and I've known some absolute wankspangles of nasty people). Would she always have ended up that way, or was it as a result of her being just 12 when her Mum died? An age when she had no idea how to process whatever she was feeling. For years, those of us who loved her  made allowances for her behaviour and attitude towards us all. We could see she was struggling. We offered help in every way we possibly could; we recommended counselling and were there for her any time she picked up the phone, or sent a text message, answering/replying instantaneously (if in a position to do so). We couldn't take away her pain but we did everything we could to help her deal with it, allowed her to use us as punching bags (in a verbal rather than physical sense). We did all this (her older sister, myself and her Mum's family/friends) whilst dealing with our own grief and loss. Her and her siblings were the only things we focussed on for years, being there for them 24/7. Sadly, a big part of her change was down to the manipulation of the people around her on her paternal side, preying on her anguished mind and once someone has a hold of a person in the mentally unstable state my niece was in, it's very hard for the person being manipulated to see the real truth. She too is now very woe-is-me, everyone is mean to me (when everyone went out of their way to make sure she was loved and cared for) and for those who were there for her from the beginning, who bathed her, burped her and wiped her bum, who spent time with her brushing dollies hair, playing in paddling pools, going for walks in the woods and over parks it's hard, really hard. People who let her climb into their beds and held her tight, keeping her safe if she had a nightmare, who would dry her tears if she hurt herself, or was sad; those people have been pushed away, had awful accusations thrown at them and are now no longer a part of her life because one individual got inside her mind and twisted everything she knew. I can't help but compare how she has turned out (although she is still only in her early 20's) to the behaviour of Prince Harry right now. I can't help but imagine if how we all felt after she behaved in such an atrotious way to us all, is how Prince William, his wife, and the dukes other family and friends are feeling right now. We didn't have to deal with the things she was spouting being out there for the world to see and it was still really tough to understand. For their part (and we'll never know because we are only getting Prince Harry's side of the story) they may be sat there now the same as myself and her other maternal friends/family are, wondering "How the fuck did this happen?". I was in the middle of trying to organise a weekend away with her and her younger brother when she kicked off, spewed absolute venom at me, twisted a reply I made to her and she's never spoken to me since, her foul excuse of a father then banned me from having contact with her and her brother - this is the same man who tried to get myself and some of her Mums friends to take the kids on because his girlfriend didn't like them! I'd like to think the RF, like myself, would forgive, forget and move on if they were asked to. I know I'd happily welcome my niece back with open arms; I miss her terribly. I'm sure they must feel the same way but right now he has betrayed them, and betrayed them badly and is deep into his "it's not my fault, it's everyone else" phase. 

When he first got with his wife and we were hearing from them all about how they met, fell in love, and how they appeared with each other - she came across as being nurturing, caring and kind to him - I thought how lovely that he had found someone he could share his life with who would be good for him, and in a way I do still feel that about her. If nothing else she's helped him bring forth his feelings, to share and talk about how his struggles (that can never be a bad thing and will help a lot of people who struggle also) however, the more time has gone on, the more I have heard, the more I believe she also has an agenda of her own and the way she speaks about things, behaves and acts at times is very reminscent of how 3 different people I have had in my life, all of whom have narcissistic tendencies, and I'm really not so sure how I feel about her - not that my feelings for her matter one jot. I don't believe the crap they print in newspapers; we all know at the end of the day each has their own agenda and it doesn't matter if they print the truth, or lies, however I watched the Oprah Interview, I watched the Netflix doc and listened when they spoke at their engagement photo shoot and all 3 different interviews they have given 3 different variations of how they met, and how the engagement went down. That's from their own mouths, not from the twisted minds of the media. When someone has been proven to be a liar it's very hard to then take anything else you hear as truth!. I watched the Netflix Doc in the hope it may have changed my feelings about her back to what once they were; sadly they made me distrust her, and her motives even more, and now I'm not so sure she is good for him. In fact I think she may be positively toxic to him. I'm not saying his wife hasn't been treated unfairly by the media. My goodness she really has, all started by that vile piece-of-shit Piers Morgan; how he is ever allowed airtime is beyond me. The man is a disgrace to his profession and the human race in general, along with quite a few others - I'm annoyed at myself for even mentioning his name. Some of the things printed about her before she left the UK were just awful - our press have a lot to answer for. One thing I never saw until after they'd left was any mention of her colour being used against her; I know I am going to offend a lot of people right now but I didn't even realise she was a woman of colour until I her Mum for the first time. I just assumed she was a fake-tan fan. To make out the UK is massively racist though when she comes from possibly the most racist country in existence is slightly ironic. I'm not saying a lot of people over here aren't, sadly they exist everywhere but to tar us all with the same brush is a little out of order. In her defence (I'm not that much of an arse that I can't see there are 2 sides) she was being hounded by the Daily Fail and other such racist promoting propaganda papers so I can see why they came to conclusion we are all like it, although if they'd have looked back to their wedding day and seen how many people were celebrating and happy for them they should know we're not all like PM, Farage, that awful creature Hopkins and Brewer-Hartley or whatever it's name is. I'm all for free speech but those 4 should most definitely be gagged. 

The irony of the duke (I typed duck originally! Freudian slip, or not?) and duchess spouting about how they have been treated and were silenced, knowing full well that protocol means the RF will never speak out against the accusations, is not lost on me. They have done the very same thing they are whining about knowing they can never be questioned about it. That doesn't shine them in a good light. Don't get me wrong, yes, speak up if you have been bullied; I've been bullied, I know how it feels, but don't air your dirty laundry in public. 

The irony of them saying they wanted to leave britain and have a quiet life of privacy is also not lost on me, because all they have done since they left is to seek out publicity. If they really wanted to step away and life a quiet life they could have easily done so. 

If the duchess did really struggle and considered suicide (my heart breaks for anyone who finds themselves so low they think it's the only way out) then I feel for her, but blaming the palace for not letting her seek help has been proven to be bullshit by the dukes own admission; he has stated that he went to his therapist for help after the dog bowl incident. If he could go to his therapist for help, then why the hell did he not send his wife to his therapist? Blaming his family for her not getting help when he was easily able to get it sounds a little too much like a lie to me. Especially when the four of them (with his brother and sister-in-law) had set up a mental health foundation. If things were really that bad for her then they would have been able to reach out themselves to anyone for her to get help. I'm assuming she's getting the help she needs now though, because depression and suicidal thoughts don't just disappear overnight so at least that's something. 

I'm not sure who is advising him now but I hope they are hanging their head in shame, for they have caused this man with mental health issues to humiliate himself and to anger a lot of people around him; they have (he has) potentially now put a target on his back too (the way he seems proud of himself to have killed people, claiming he thought nothing of it) greater than any before which he may have had. They have encouraged him throw his brother (and really only true supporter of him) under a bus from which he may never choose to crawl out from under in support of him again; siblings fight all the time but don't go running to publicly shame their brother as a violent person; sadly, all he did by sharing that story is make himself look a fool. 

One thing I won't knock him for is wanting to drive through the tunnel where his mother died, and at the same speed. I think we would all feel a little that way had it happened to our Mum. 

It's a shame because these 2 (H and M) really could have done some good in this world had they just taken a step back, looked around and thought about things. However, there is no coming back from this now. Even people I knew who were 100% on their side (no idea when it became about sides) have now said they've gone a step too far. 

The monarchy will survive but those who love Harry, genuinely care about him and his wellbeing, must now be terrified, because if he ever truly realises what he has unleashed his already fragile mental state is likely to implode and I'm sure even those who have mocked him would not want to see that.