you're still single then?
Yep; the words I love to hear - no really I do, and on such a regular basis from people too - NOT. The next words were so predictable too; "Are you a lesbian? Is that why?". The answer to that question is simple. No, I am not; not that it would matter or be anyone else's business if I were.
The answer to the original question is never an easy one to answer. I have many different responses depending on who is asking. Sometimes I just reply with "Because nobody wants me". This one is the absolute truth (I know; how could men not want me? I am so desirable :) ) but is not the full reason. Another I use is "Because I don't have time". Now this isn't entirely true. Yes I do have a really busy life with the shop, but if I really wanted to find time for a man then I would do (see back to my nobody wants me response) but as nobody yet has offered themselves up to me, then finding the time is not something I have to do, and telling people I am too busy is as good an answer as any. My 3rd response (again this one has truth to it, but is not absolute) is that the one guy from my past I would have happily married is dead, so what's the point? Again, yes he truly is dead, but refer above to my bit about if someone came along and offered themselves (and I liked them of course too - there have been a couple offer themselves up but I just couldn't force myself to take them up on their offer, no matter how lovely or genuine they were) I wouldn't refuse.
Now for the real reason. Aside from the fact that I really don't do anything to myself to attract a man (I believe if someone wants me they'll want me for what's on the inside and not the out - and that will make things really hard when I've lost the weight, because if a man then decides he wants me I won't know if it's because of the outside or inside - oh my, I do over-analyze don't I?) I also know that I am not a viable proposition to anyone. Go back to the 18th century and my Dad wouldn't have been able to palm me off to a suitor because of our financial situation (actually he probably could have as he was always trying to set me up with people, and he had connections, so back in those days he would have just passed me on regardless, because that's what happened at the time) but had I been fatherless in those days then (as I am now) I would have been husband-less as much then, as I am now, because I have no fortune. I have nothing to offer in other words. Yes I have the shop, but lets face it, that can only just about pay its own bills at the best of times (even less when customers that are friends don't bother to settle their bills) but it's not making money and is worth nothing (to anyone else that is; to me it's worth the world as it keeps me employed). It owes Clive a small fortune still from when we first started (we really did lose so much money when we were in Horndean) that I think he is realistic enough to understand he will never get back - so I could never tempt a man with that.
Because the shop is struggling to hold it's own, I can't afford to take a big wage and am currently on about £1.29 per hour. Out of that money I have to pay my own bills (and am still trying to pay off the debts I accrued thanks to a wanker of an ex - but I've ranted about him enough for you all to know how he stitched me up) so by the middle of the month I have nothing left. I own nothing - not even my car yet that is playing up worse than normal right now - as I still have a couple of payments to make on it. The fish tanks are mine as such but I had to use my overdraft to pay for them, so until that's paid off I don't even own them. Some of the clothes on my back I possibly own now, but the rest have come from a catalogue as that's the only way I can afford to buy them, so I technically don't own those either.
Do you see where I'm going with all this? How could I ever get myself involved with someone when I couldn't afford to put anything into the relationship (except my time and amazing company of course). I'm not one of those people that has ever relied on anyone else (hence how I'm so poor and my exes are all doing so well) except for the occasional loan from a friend (normally Clive) that is always paid back by the time I promise to get it back by. Obviously without my Mum being nice and letting me move back home, I have no idea where I would be living, and do have to rely on her for that, but between us we do things for each other so although I am relying on her for a roof over my head, she does get it paid back in other ways so I never take advantage of her. But to expect a man to pay for my keep is something that I could never do (and have never done) and until I can support myself and put my equal share into a relationship, then how can I offer myself up as available? This is why I am single - plain and simple really.
I just wish people would stop asking why.....