What a subject line for an entry :)
After suffering for a week with toothache I decided it was time to finally head off to my dentist where it turns out I've been grinding/clenching my teeth a wee bit too much and have managed to loosen one slightly - that's where the pain is coming from - the infection was nowhere near my tooth though and was in fact in my cheek (I thought I'd scratched it on some pork crackling the week before - DOH). Not sure when I became a clencher as it's not something I've noticed myself doing before. I guess maybe I'm a little more worried about my boobie lumps and swollen lymph glands than I thought I was. I did think (hope) that maybe being on antibiotics they would go down (after all they can swell if your body is fighting an infection) yet they are still very much up. Only another 9 days and the 4 weeks I was asked to wait is up though, so I can then get back to the doctors and get it looked into properly. My whole week seemed to revolve around my tooth and the shop, the shop and my tooth - pretty much par for the course though in my life :)
Then came Friday, a day I had been dreading for it was the day of Jason's Mums funeral. They'd tasked me with her flowers. Not a big thing as it's my job, yet whenever I am making them for people I know I always get a little more stressed out then when making them for strangers. Not that anyone gets treated differently for I have only one level when it comes to my work and that is to always make every item to the best of my ability. I think it's just because I don't want to disappoint a friend. Along with the tributes his sister had asked me to decorate their mums casket (made of wicker which was lovely) with some ivy garlands around the sides and some roses tied into it. Is it wrong to say I was looking forward to doing this? I got into work early so that I could get everything done in time for I wanted to go to the funeral in the afternoon (I also didn't want to go) and I knew I was having to close for an hour while I went to the funeral directors to sort the garland out. The part of me that didn't want to go was winning the battle against the part of me that did (I say that but I never wanted to at all, I just felt I should be there for my friend and to say goodbye to his Mum who was always so lovely to me). The main tributes I'd prepared the afternoon before so they weren't an issue but I had weddings on the Saturday that needed my time, a function that evening and of course I needed the ivy for the casket. Arriving at the shop ready to get ton with things I was stumped - my wholesaler had failed to arrive. My meticulously planned morning had been lead astray. By 10am I was beginning to panic for the funeral directors wanted me there at 11 and I was still waiting on the ivy and had done none of the other jobs I should have had ready before I left. I started to feel as though the universe was conspiring with me as at that point there was no way I was going to find the time to go to the funeral - I had a little chat with his Mum and thanked her as I figured she'd had a hand in it also. Jase came in to collect something for the funeral and could see how far behind I was. When I told him it meant I may not make it he said "work is work". I stewed on that for over 2 hours wondering if he was having a dig that I was putting work first or if he was saying he understood. He left at 10.15 and as he pulled away so the ivy I needed (with my wholesaler) arrived. I can't tell you have relieved I was, for I'd already made the decision I was going to have to use the artificial ones I had in the shop for there was no way I would be able to get any nice enough to put round the casket and she deserved the very best.
I arrived at the funeral directors 15 minutes early (better to be early than late) to find them in complete turmoil. They weren't anywhere near ready for me. The casket wasn't sealed and they'd not moved his Mum from the viewing room the previous day. After 20 minutes the 2 girls working there came back to tell me they couldn't get the casket sealed and were going to have to wait for one of their male counterparts to arrive but he could be a couple of hours. I told them I'd leave the ivy for them to do but got the reply they were too busy so asked if I was able to dress the casket without it being sealed - this was agreed the best thing to do. As it was when I got to his Mum I was able to help one of the girls seal her (my first ever time in all the years I've dealt with funerals). Not having enough room inside they had moved her into the garage area (she'd have hated that as it was bloody cold out there - only 5'c when I was there). 2 other caskets were there also. Finally I was able to get to work doing what needed to be done. I had a chat with her as I was going, mentioning how I knew she would hate being so cold and how I wish I'd taken a jumper with me (I'd assumed I'd be working inside so only had on a t-shirt). She was quite close to one of the others in there so I moved her over slightly to work on one side, but it still wasn't far enough as I found when I bounced my fat arse off one of the other coffins. Apologising to the gentleman (I wasn't even sure when I said sorry if it was a gentleman - thankfully his name plaque suggested he was) I got on with things chatting eventually with all 3 of them when the lights began to dip and flicker. I thought this a bit odd then put it down to the fact I was in the garage area so the lighting wouldn't be as up to scratch there as it was inside - turns out that one of Jason's other friends had the same thing happen to her when she'd been to view his Mum who was inside at the time!!!! I explained to his Mum I wasn't going to make the funeral as I had a lot to do and didn't really need to say goodbye, but also that I'd feel guilty not going but was sure she'd understand. When I'd finished I said my goodbyes, left and had no plans to go to the funeral.
Back at the shop I found myself getting on far better than I thought I would and by 12.30 (the funeral was at 2.30) I couldn't get this nagging voice out of my head that kept saying I'd regret it and feel guilty if I didn't go and that if I was truly Jason's friend I would be there for him. Another voice (that one of reason) kept telling me he would have enough people there, yet the nagging one was getting stronger by the second. I knew then I was going to have to go. Then a customer came in wanting something made up. I told him it would be 10 mins so he said he'd pop into town, pay some bills and be back. Then another customer came in (she never buys anything and can be hard to get rid of but she was a welcome distraction at the time). She knew I was meant to be going to the funeral and asked why I'd changed my mind so I explained it all to her. She said she thought I'd regret it if I didn't go at which point I said I needed to leave by 1.40 at the latest to get there in time and was waiting on the customer coming back. If he didn't turn up it would be too late. I had stuck a sign on the door saying I was closing at 1.30. At 1.29 I took the sign down for the guy had not come back and I saw that as my sign not to go. Just 30 seconds later I saw him drive up the road, a box sitting happily on the side of the back bench for 3 days fell off and the sun came out through the clouds shining directly onto me. I put that closed sign back up on that door and made it to the funeral and now I am so glad I did. I think I would have felt so guilty if I'd not been able to make it. Not really what you would say of a funeral but it was in fact the nicest one I've ever been to. It was at the new crematorium 15 miles away and the place was so light and airy it made what was an extremely sad occasion a lot easier to bear. The 2 others around us are dark, dingy and mournful places, this was filled with light and love and had a truly wonderful vibe to it - not what you would really say about a crematorium, I know. His sister had organised everything and she did a truly wonderful job - she did her Mum proud, that's for sure.
Now, the crystal ball. hahahaha. I've never believed in such things as seeing into the future with them and bought it as a gift for someone who was after one for photographic purposes - they ended up going and getting their own so I wasted money buying it and will now keep it for myself. I may have a play on a photographic level with it, but I may also have a go at seeing if I can see the mist and the future in it :) :) Watch this space 😂😂😂 No, before someone thinks it, I am not mocking it in any way, shape or form and will genuinely make sure if I try I do so properly and with the respect such a thing deserves.