last week; not a big thing as I read often (although nowhere near as often as I would like). It wasn't one I chose for myself (and is one I would never have bothered to buy or read) but a friend bought it for me and so it had to be read - just in case they've read it themselves and want to discuss anything in it :) .
It's a kind of self help book, but not - which is why I would never bother to buy such a thing; I tend to think such things mumbo jumbo and a waste of time - however, it made for some really interesting reading (aside from the religious bits in it; they almost put me off finishing it, and have in no way altered my thoughts on gods and religion).
One whole chapter was dedicated to not letting the negativity of others affect you, and how you live your life, and it really struck a chord with me, because no matter how hard I try not to, I do let the behaviour of others get to me and wind me up. It also mentioned that unless we have anything nice to say, then not to say anything (an old one but one that really does make sense) and so since then I have tried really hard not to let things get to me, and to be more positive. It was working - ish. I've not said anything bad about anyone, to someone else's face, and when I've been on social media I've tried to avoid certain people, and have only shared things that would encourage others to smile - you know what they say about throwing it out there and getting it back ten fold? Then today it all went tits up and pear shaped, when someone this morning who has the worst trait for passing judgement, got themselves bang on one about something, yet they have since gone and done exactly the same thing to me, literally an hour later, so I've had to put up with paddies (that also led onto another issue where they didn't listen to what I was saying, made an assumption and got bang on one about it, before slamming a door in my face because of it) and the bad attitude that is purely down to someone else's negativity - and it winds me up. But I'm still not really talking about them - as such :) I just needed to vent but thought less people will see this than will see anything on my FB - the place I would normally vent - so I guess in a way the book has made a difference. Before I would have passed on how I'm feeling now, to other people, and would have done to them exactly what I've had done to me; I 'd have passed on the negativity. It's also made a difference in that I've logged off the computer in the evenings, and have tried to avoid getting caught up in the dramas of everyone on social media - I have still had messages so caught bits via my phone, but in between I've been doing other stuff.
Maybe I'm one of those sensitives you hear about (hahahahaha; but hey, I do have some sensitive qualities) because I really do seem to have the psychic vampires suck the life out of me. Some days it doesn't matter how chipper I may be when I get up, and how much I smile, by the end of the day someone will have wiped it all out of me by their being so negative. As odd as it would sound to people that know me (and therefore hear me complain about crap on a regular basis) I do try to be happy. I want to be happy; I like being happy - it makes me feel good, but other people seem to bring me down with them; then they have a go blaming me for being miserable. It's like one of those vicious circle things.
Thankfully I don't do jealousy (never have and never will) hence why I never saw the signs when I was being cheated on (more than once) but occasionally I do find myself envious of people. Not because I want what they've got - because a lot of them have nothing - but because I'd like to be more like them. I'd have liked to be more like the friend that made the move on the man we both liked (when I made my thoughts known about how I felt she laughed at me, and said she didn't think of him in that way) but because I was more thoughtful to her feelings when I found out she had decided she liked him too, and not wanting to break *the code*, I took a back seat and she steamed in like a bull in a china shop - as it turned out the happiness she felt at the beginning wasn't to last, and she spent the next umpteen years unhappy - maybe that's a thing called Karma. Did it make me jealous that she had who I wanted? Nope, because if he'd been interested in me, he'd never have got with her in the first place.
This is why I don't do jealousy; if something is meant to be then it will. I've never been jealous of friends and family that have children (although one naming her child the name I always said I would give to mine because she knew I couldn't have them, and therefore wouldn't ever use the name did hurt a bit - but hurt is completely different to jealousy) but I did feel slight envy at how easy one of my friends found it to fall pregnant (she fell so easy she ended up getting rid of a couple) but again, if I was meant to have been a Mum then nature would have seen to it that I was. Instead I got to be the crazy Aunty to my numbers 1,2 and 3, which meant I actually got the best bits of them. I got to do the fun stuff with them, without any of the hassle and stress that being a parent can bring. So again, it's proof that being jealous doesn't do anybody any good at all - it's also not in my nature. I am however, very envious of people that still have both their parents alive, and nothing annoys me more than friends that are blessed with both - who are great people - yet all they do is complain about them. If you have both still alive - even if some days they get you to the point where you want to batter them about the head with an umbrella - feel grateful each and every day.
Now you're all wondering what jealousy has to do with the start of this entry, and you may be thinking I've lost it again and am going off on a tangent, but I'm not really, because some of the shit I get from certain people is because they are jealous of me. I know; how mad is that? How do I know they are? Well the snide comments are normally the biggest give away :) The "I wish I could afford a holiday like you had but I can only just about pay the bills" have been rife from one person; well maybe if they stopped wasting all their money with online gambling then they could. The "I can't afford a new car - you must be earning too much" comment I got from someone else made me chuckle (while pissing me off at the same time) as the person in question was just telling me about a holiday they've booked for next year, and how much money they've recently spent on electronic equipment they didn't need as the bits they were replacing were less than 18 months old. I saved every penny to pay for my holiday (and was lucky enough to be able to borrow the money for the car with a very small monthly repayment or I would never have got one) it took me years of going without; I never went out, bought myself anything, or spent money on things other than bills for years to be able to pay to go away, yet there they were wasting thousands on things they don't need and whining about how unlucky they were because they couldn't afford to do what I've done. Am I jealous they have all the electronic equipment? Nope, because if I want it then I can save for it. Simple as. I may envy people that can afford to just go out and buy things without having to worry - and I do envy people that can afford to travel more than I can - but I am never jealous of them. They may have worked hard for the money to pay for it, or some may have lost a loved one that left them some money. I'd rather stay at home all day than lose someone I love and be able to travel. It's all about perspective.
Then there are the ones that have everything, and when you see them you ask "Hi, how are you?" and as the words come out of your mouth you kick yourself, because you know they are going to reply in the most pathetically dejected way possible, and be the epitome of doom and gloom. I try to avoid these people at all costs, but there are 2 that I just can't escape from.
Which is why this morning pissed me off so much. The whole "woe is me, the world is against me" attitude of someone that does to others the exact thing they are complaining about.
That's it now; I've got it out of my system. Back to finding some positive people to share the love with :)