Sunday, 19 April 2015

Would they be interested?

I came across this earlier when I was deleting old blogs and copying to this new one.. It's from 3 years ago when my best friend was dying of her cancer. If only I thought the police would be interested - it's too late now I know, but even at the time it wouldn't have bee worth it as it was only our word against his and the vile family he is part of - his older brother told me once he had lung cancer and asked me so many questions about it as that's what my Dad died of. It was only a year or so later I found out he'd never had it and was asking me so he could pretend to other people he did have it, so he could fleece them of money. They are a despicable family. 

The Police that is; very doubtful knowing what they are like where I live, but how I would love to be able to chat with them and tell them all that has been going on with D and that piece of shit that she was married to. If I was to contact them I think this is what I would write.. 

I have a rather odd query; or thing to share. I'm not sure and the reason I haven't gone down to a station is because I may well be wasting your time and it's easier to mail you first as you can walk away and deal with other things if you need to than if I was to come down and someone has to deal with me there and then and in one go. I also don't really want to get in to trouble for wasting police time (I believe I could get in to trouble for that?). Get on with it woman. I will have to give you some background details so this may be rather long winded. For that I apologise and hope you have a cuppa and some biscuits with you. Ok I'm wasting your time. Sorry but this is really hard because I'm not even sure there is anything wrong. Here goes. My best friend is currently battling cancer (in the past 2 weeks she has been told she's terminal). She is married to a vile creature (thankfully they have no separated) and I don't know why but a niggling voice in the back of my head is telling me that he was gradually overdosing her on the morphine she was given to help control her pain (phew.. there I've said it). He's a total control freak with a very aggressive personality who basically took control of her and her family. They only married in September 1010 after he came back to the UK from Canada (and I still believe he HAD to leave the country under some cloud of odd behaviour).

At the time my friends Mum was dying of cancer herself. Now stupidly they had a history before he left for Canada and she wasn't happy in the relationship she was in and before he came back they struck up a friendship again. This is where I think she got duped. He had nowhere to go when he came back to the UK. His parents (who are also vile and have sent some very nasty/threatening text messages to my friend) wouldn't take him in and he knew my friend had her own place and that with her mum being ill she was in a vulnerable position and I believe he used that (and her) to get him somewhere to live when he came back. No crime in that and it was her choice. At the time I thought him an ok kind of guy still. Then things changed.

Just recently a neighbour of hers walked into her house to find her writhing on the floor in absolute agony with him standing over her shouting abuse at her; thankfully the neighbour called an ambulance and she was taken into hospital, where she was told her kidneys have failed (something that can be caused by a morphine over-dose and he has control of her pain relief because he said he doesn't trust her with it). 

I didn't hear anything until the Wednesday but apparently she had been admitted on the Saturday.  She told me when I saw her this week that in the hospital when she came round and asked where she was he told her a hospital in the new forest. why he would do this is beyond me but I can only assume it was so none of her friends could visit; he had her phone and wouldn't hand it over and she was in no fit state at that point to argue with him - this is where another big lie comes in - when I asked him on the Wednesday why he hadn't phoned to let me know she was in hospital he told me he didn't have my number. Another LIE; he does have my mobile number, he also knows the name of my business so could have got the number. He had my best friends phone on him and she has my shop, home and mobile number stored on her phone, her daughter has my number. I am pretty much logged on to facebook 24.7 and at the time he was a friend of mine on there; my business also has a facebook page he is friends with so he had numerous ways to get hold of me.I always knew he was a bullsh**er but put that down to middle child syndrome and wanting to big himself up but didn't realise he was an out and out liar.

After this happened, my friends daughter took over and I believe the police were called to remove him from the property where a restraining order was taken out against him; that evening he called my home phone (proving he did in fact have my number) and was screaming abuse at me about her daughter. I finally hung up on him when he told me that her daughter "would be sorry" because he said when my friend died he was her next of kin and was therefore the one to organise her funeral; when I told him her daughter may have something to say about that, his exact words to me were "then I'll let her rot on a slab". This is a man that was meant to be madly in love with his wife saying this to me, one of her closest friends. 

I truly believe (from the bullying and abuse my friend told me she was suffering at the hands of him and his parents - his mother threatened to beat her 9 year old son, and I heard the piece of shit husband himself once threaten to knock him out when he was doing nothing wrong (believe me if he was in the wrong I would have told him off)) that he was in fact trying to kill her off with a morphine over-dose that he would have made look as though it was her choice. YES, my friend was dying, but after he was gone, she fought with all she had to have as much more time as she could get, so there is no way she would have tried herself; just the fact of what he said to me about leaving her on a slab, and the fact the neighbour found him standing over her as she was writing on the floor in agony, prove to me he was trying to. Sadly, yes she was dying anyway and I will admit I am an advocate for euthanasia if that is what the dying person wishes, but


I DO NOT agree with attempted murder; no matter what the circumstances. 


Sadly there was no proof that he was giving her additional morphine, and it was only our word against his so I never  bothered to contact them; the fact that just 6 months after she died he had a new fiance and she moved into my friends home - the one he forced her to sign over to him; the one he had her daughter removed from just a week after her Mum had died - shows just what kind of vile creature he is. 


Where does the time go?

I can't believe I've just had 8 days off (plus what's left of today) working only 4 days the previous week, having had 4 days off before that, because it feels like I've only had yesterday and today off. How is that possible? Even worse is that I don't feel as iff I have done or achieved anything during that time (although looking around our home I can see there have been some things that are completed -  but still so many left to do).  There just aren't enough hours in the day; tomorrow I'm back at work and it all starts again - fitting life in around the working day, rather than round the fun day (not that this week off has been fun as such - other than the day out on Monday which was tiring as I did the driving, and the one on my birthday; yep I had a birthday in the week and pootled down to Exbury Gardens in the New Forest - not somewhere I would choose to go again and more expensive than it is worth, but it was ok for somewhere to spend a couple of hours, and I took a couple of photo's (ok there were 3) I am pleased with) but the rest of the time has been filled decorating and walking the dog - a lovely pastime in itself :) 




I did catch up with some old friends yesterday when I was invited to a BBQ with them all; my friends kids (my godson included) and their girlfriends came too, so a few glasses of wine were drunk, some laughs were had. and I was again reminded of where I fit into the food chain of life.

Ooh; one exciting thing (well for me; probably not for any of you out there, and definitely not for those of you that don't like tattoos) but my alien is finally green :)  He's also had a few stars aded to his outer limits just so he's not stuck out like a sore thumb on his own :) 


And that ladies, gentlemen, boys and girls, is that; the sum extent of my time off :) 


Swings and roundabouts

but not the park kind - the metaphorical (what a big word for so early in the morning) kind.

A few months back when yet another friend talked over me as I was saying something and twisted my conversation round to being all about them (something that happens to me so often I don't even bother trying to stop people any more). I know I talk a load of shit and am a bore, but sometimes so do others, but am I rude and talk over them? No! I show them the decency to let them finish no matter how uninterested I may be; that's because I was bought up with manners and don't need to make the world all about me - although this blog does just that, so maybe I do :) This particular day though I wasn't the only one to notice as another person who is also not an attention seeking, bad mannered person, was there to witness it and commented on it to me at a later date. I explained it's something that happens all the time and I've just got used to it. That's when it struck me. 

Why should I be used to it? 

Do I de-value myself that much? Do I think myself that unworthy of other's time, that I am willing to let them have so much of mine? Do I really believe myself inferior to them?

NO. I do not, and so that day I made a promise to myself; from then on I would start to treat people in the exact same way they think it's ok to treat me. 

I now read messages that people send me and don't bother to reply, or I choose to ignore the specific question they ask me and will talk about something else (it's amazing how many people do that and how often).  I invite people out on days that suit me and when they can't make it, will make a whole big deal of "oh; but I never get to see you any more" even though I get only a Sunday off and they have proper weekends, but always expect me to be free on the Sunday they choose to do something, and at the time they dictate to me. I know living with my Mum is difficult for having people round, but I am always expected to visit others, so now I offer them to come my way but meet somewhere else that I enjoy so they have to battle rush hour traffic to spend a few hours in my company; so that I get to go to bed as soon as they leave (almost) and don't have to then drive home late at night. It also means they use their fuel and not mine as I really have such limited funds even a 10 mile trip somewhere eats into my fuel allowance. I now play the whole "well I phoned you last time so it's your turn to phone me" thing that seems to be a big deal to people. As I am at work so much, and have so little free time, I often genuinely just don't get round to phoning people, but you'd think that made me the worst person in the world. I plan on ringing, but other things happen during the day/evening and before I know what's happening, I am planning to ring them the next day, and so the cycle continues, but the way I see it, if they were really wanting to see me, they'd ring me regardless of who rang who last time. 

Add to this I have now decided that if someone wants to go somewhere for the day or evening (theme park, concert, day out exploring) then they can now pay for it, and I will pay them back, because I am sick to death of paying out for stuff and being told "I'll pay you next week" and next week never comes. The best ones are those that tell me about something, wait for me to book then tell me they're not sure they have the money right now but will get it to me, then they never do. From now on I will be that person (not with everyone of course; there are some people that pay straight away and always share all the bills associated with days out) the one who says "I tell you what; I'll pay for dinner for you instead of giving you the cash". Then when dinner comes I won't have enough money for both of us (that's happened to me so often). The best are the ones that then offer to pay for something I am not interested in, or don't want, instead of paying me the money I've shelled out, and I am expected to be grateful they would do that for me.

Another big thing is that I am no longer concerned about sharing my opinion; if they believe their thoughts on something are right, then that is fine, but I will NOT then back down if I have my own thoughts on the subject also. The world is made up of differing thoughts, ideas and opinions. I am open to any of mine having a new light shone on them, and I will always try to be objective and give an explanation why I think differently - this is often met with replies of "you are wrong - you haven't got a clue; the best one being "well you're just jealous" and all other manner of derogatory comments. Just because I dared to use my own voice; what was I thinking?

There are those that expect me to take a day off work to spend their birthday with them, yet I never see them on mine. 

As a result of this new me I have noticed something very interesting. Certain people have become closer to me in my life, and I get to see them, talk to them, and enjoy their company far more than I did previously (maybe that's because they also share some of the people that have treated me as the lesser friend, so we have something in common). Other's however have suddenly become very distant and argumentative (more so than normal) They will also allow their other friends who don't know me to argue with me too over things (those crap things that get posted online and fb - you know the types?) whereas before they would have stepped in. I guess in a sense what I've found out is who is a true friend, and who has just been using me for their own entertainment.

Am I sad that because of this I may lose certain people from my life? Umm... that would be a no. There are enough negative forces in the world; I don't need the psychic vampire types sucking the life blood from me any more. Besides if they actually thought anything about me, they wouldn't behave towards me the way they do. My life is now about me, and not all about them and it is mighty wonderful. Now if only I was brave enough to delete those people on fb that I have because of another friend, that I end up having to be nice to so that someone else doesn't get a load of shit for me falling out with them from my life; it truly would be fab then :) 


Tuesday, 14 April 2015

What a fabulous

day out I had yesterday with the Nutty one for her birthday. In keeping with our tradition of trying to go out somewhere every month (was originally meant to be every other month but due to things we want to do cropping up that has changed - although next month is off the table as I am already out with other peoples and definitely can't afford 2 days a month - am struggling with 1) we headed off out to play.  Because it was the Nutty one's day she got to choose where we went this time, and her choice was the mystical home of King Arthur - Glastonbury.  Like Lulworth is to me, Glastonbury is to her, so at 9.30 on the dot yesterday morning I picked her up and off we headed; a slight detour to her Mum's was made so she could open her pressie before we got underway. 

Stonehenge taken by the Nutty one as we passed it by
By lunchtime we were parked up and heading into our first 'new age' shop; by the time we got to our 3rd I was so mellow and chilled from all the oils, meditative music and incense every shop was burning. If any of you fancy ever buying me some nice jewellery then head off to any of the shops down there; they all have some beautiful pieces, at fairly decent prices.  I love how most of the businesses are totally independent - very rare to find in this day and age.  The BEST bit while I was there was when some woman accosted me (in a nice way) in a shop, after she had followed me up the street to ask me where I bought the clothes I was wearing (yes there really were some strange people wandering around the place :) ) I've never in my life before (that I can remember) have someone tell me how nice I looked and that they liked what I was wearing :) 

Who put that telegraph pole in the way? 
By 3pm we'd exhausted ourselves and been into all the shops - a couple of them more than once - so had to decide where to go next; home or somewhere else to explore? We chose somewhere else. Seeing as we were so close to the caves, we decided to head off to Wookey Hole to see how busy it was; thankfully it wasn't which is a bonus with the kids being on school holidays. We booked our tickets for the 4pm tour, which gave us half an hour to make our way to the entrance (7 - 9 minutes walk away) and to have a nose at bits on the way, which is where I saw a little Robin sitting on a branch by the side of the path who didn't seen phased by us at all and was happily singing us some lovely little tunes. 


4pm arrived and we were the only 2 in the queue; the ranger/guide arrived and we were still the only 2 in the queue. The tour started and guess what? It was still just the 2 of us :)  We ended up having our very own private tour of the caves; the great thing compared to the last time I visited 12 years ago, is that now you can take photos (only IF you turn the flash off - but I don't like using a flash anyway so that wasn't an issue). It's not easy to get good shots without the proper lighting but I managed to snap off a few that I'm quite proud of. 





The very best part of the day though was the hall of mirrors and finally seeing an image of myself in one where I'm slim again.. hahaha.. been a long time since I've looked in a mirror and seen that :) 

From there we headed through Cheddar Gorge and stopped at every little parking area for a photo op for the Nutty one - I took a few but having been to Zion national park and seeing how amazing that is for a gorge, as lovely as Cheddar is, it's just not on the same level. I did however, love the proper Billy Goats that were wandering along the gorge edges; I tried to photograph them but they were hiding themselves in bushes so not easy enough to capture.

After leaving there we couldn't decide which was to go home; I was going to use the A303, the Nutty one suggested the A30, A36 and M27, so to keep it fair we got google to chose for us. I will NEVER do that again. Doris (that's what we named the woman that talks the directions) is an idiot and sent us down narrow country lanes, across country, up country, down country, and back again; talk about stress levels rising. 

We finished the evening like so many others by stopping at the pub for our dinner - thankfully they were still serving this time when we got there :) 




Tuesday, 7 April 2015

Aries

I am an aries - not that I believe any of that crap if I'm honest. With multi-millions of people (I'm sure someone out there probably knows the correct amount, but I'm really not that bored this evening) having the same star sign, I just don't get how the horoscope in a paper can be correct - also if you've ever looked at them you'll see all 12 say exactly the same thing but are just worded differently.  I'm also not athletic in any way (as they are meant to be) those of you that know me and see me will be able to attest to that - in fact here's a photo to prove it  - obviously I'm the big green one :) :)


I am independant and generous (too generous hence how I live in my overdraft and get shit on from great heights so often) but I'm not moody, self-involved, impulsive, impatient.. umm... wait a second...  ok.. so those traits are maybe true :) In fact I've just found this and I'm quite shocked by how true it really is.. It's like I'm reading someone's biography of me.. I'm genuinely a bit spooked as for 44 (yes I know it's nearly 45 but if anyone asks, this year will be my 35th birthday) but in all that time I've always thought about the star signs as complete poppycocks (what a word) and a load of rubbish; now I'm having doubts.. wait.. no.. can't do that.. it's not one of my traits :) 

Anyway; I am digressing (something I do a lot) :) Check out that link though; it really does describe me :)

The reason the whole aries thing came up today is because I was chatting with someone about the day (it's the day someone very special to me died 13 years ago) and I mentioned that it's the time of year. Best friend on 26th March, Grandad 27th March, The man I would possibly be wed to right now is today,  (we had a really odd 7 year on/off relationship that nobody could possibly have understood - not entirely sure we really did, but we always believed one day we'd end up married to each other; we never once had a cross word or argument in all that time. I've never forgiven his Mum for choosing my birthday as his funeral day - she told me it would mean I never forgot him.. like that would ever have happened to begin with) my lovely Nanny (she was so lovely she could never just be a nan) this Saturday and my Dad on Monday - now they didn't all die the same year (Best friend 2012, Grandad 1992, Louis 2002, Nanny 1985 and Dad 1993) but they all died at this time, and this time is?? That's right; during the star sign of Aries.  

It would appear that anyone I love dies during this time. However, this negativity also has some positives as I have 4 friends with birthdays on Monday (the day my Dad left this earth) so that happiness will over-shadow the sadness. Today I have my lovely bro-in-laws birthday so that negates more sadness and I was born in this month as was my cousin (the day after me - for years I loved that I was the older one; now I wish I was the younger :) ). There is another cousin the day after again, but I don't like her so she doesn't count - and a cousin later in the month but she is out of the Aries sphere. My childhood best friend has a birthday at the beginning of the month :) 

So as you can see, I think it transpires that if I love someone, they will die during the reign of Aries (as far as I am aware nobody else I love has passed in a month that's not during aries) so if you end up popping your clogs in the future during this time, be assured I must have loved you. If you don't? Well move along quickly.. you're not loved here.. hahaha



Tuesday, 31 March 2015

Oh what a night

sang some group back in a decade at some point in time :) I do know, but right now the brain is a bit foggy and I can't be bothered to google it to see - it's not really important in the grand scheme of things. 

Don't get excited; it wasn't a night in a "wow; what a night" kind of way that leads to loads of gossip - in fact to anyone that might find themselves reading this, it was boring; but to me it was fab; alas it wasn't real - well not the really good bit; the rest very much was..  hahaha

First of all getting into bed last night was a feat in itself (the shoulder/neck/back issue is still occurring and is far more painful than it was yesterday - so much so that this morning I even popped some pain pills, and I don't take pills unless I really have to). Because I have one of those memory foam mattresses (which is comfortable and well worth the money it cost) I was able to get myself in a great position so that my aching body parts were supported; getting into that position though wasn't easy, as I couldn't put my arm down to balance myself, but I managed it eventually, without too much hassle to myself. However, at 3am, when the wind that had been blowing hard all night, pushed my bedroom window wide open I found myself in a right predicament. The slightest movement caused me pain that almost took my breath away; it was sharp, twisting and very much hurting :) Next to me the dog had stretched out full length, and then wedged herself under me too (she's like a door stop in that she wedges without fully disappearing under me) and because of the mattress I had sunk. Normally when I need to get out I will just push myself up, but the back/neck/shoulder stopped that, so I found myself having to roll, but because of the dog I couldn't roll the way I wanted/needed to. In the end I must have looked like a weeble (they wobble but don't fall down, don't you know?) because I was rolling from side to side, trying to build up enough momentum to propel myself out of bed (it's a good job I sleep alone and the dog doesn't know how to use a camera phone; I'd be the laughing stock of the interweb today if she did :) ) Finally, I was able to free myself from the mattress and made it to the bedroom floor; it was at that point I realised my mistake. The floor is the other side of the bed from the window, and it was the window I needed to be at.  Of course on a normal night I would just climb over the bed, lean on the window sill while pulling the window shut; but last night wasn't normal. My bed has no end and there is a fish tank (one of the many) between the bottom of the bed and the wall, so I had nothing to rest against, and even if I did it was on the side of my bad back/neck/shoulder, so I wouldn't' have been able to put pressure on it anyway. After 10 minutes of sinking (remember it's a memory foam mattress so each part of body that touches it sinks into it) and with much huffing and puffing from both me and the dog (who refused to move to make life easier for me, so I still had to try and climb over her) I got the window shut.  To get back into bed myself, I literally just had to let myself drop from where I was, hoping I landed on my side of the bed, and not the dog. I can't even begin to describe the pain that ripped through my whole upper body (from shoulder to shoulder, back to front and straight down the middle of my back) as I flopped down onto the mattress, but I think it must have been enough for me to pass out, as I don't remember a thing until I woke up an hour later to find the dog still in the same position, but I was on top of the quilt rather than under it, as I would have been if I'd stayed awake after my landing.

This then left me with a dilemma. I had to decide whether to risk moving so I could pull the quilt out from under me, then pull it over me (I was sure the heat would help with the neck/shoulder/back). I felt brave so tried moving, and gave up on that idea almost as quickly as I had it - thank goodness I'd been able to close the window because it wasn't then as cold for me as it could have been. 

Still lying there awake at 5 I almost considered giving up for the night, but it would appear the sleep fairies decided to give me a break; not only that the dream-maker paid me a visit and I had the most wonderful dream, that felt so real I was smiling when I woke up again, just before the alarm went off. Now I am fully aware that it was just a dream, but I also know from past experience that dreams can come true (they have for me often; although I hope the one from Saturday night doesn't - which was oddly an almost exact replay of a dream I had a few years ago) but even if the one I had in the early hours of this morning doesn't come true (I have no reason to believe it won't) it has made me realise again just how amazing life can be and put me in such a great, positive mood, that I feel I could take the world on and win today - of course the pain pills could also be making me feel invincible, but they won't take away the good feeling the dream left me with (and I'd not taken anything before I had that so they can't take the credit for it :) ) 

The only downside is that I was due to give blood this afternoon but when I contacted them to let them know what pills I'd taken I was asked to postpone (I guess they can't run the risk that someone who receives my red stuff might be allergic to the ingredients; I have re-booked though so all is not lost).

Actually there are 2 downsides because I bought new man tools last night, but with my back/neck/shoulder as it is won't be able to use them until I can hold them - I really wanted to play with my man tools :( I would say I could pop a couple of pills and then I wouldn't feel much for a couple of hours, but not sure I should be playing with man tools when I'm not totally in tune with myself, and it could hurt a hell of a lot more than it already does when the pills wear off :) pushed 

Monday, 30 March 2015

Who knew decorating

could be so bloody painful?

I know when it happened; it was the point I leant back on the ladder to reach a piece of wall that was above and behind me; that's when I pulled, twanged or twisted a muscle in my neck/back/shoulder area and it bloody well hurts I can tell you. 

There aren't many times in my life that I want a man around, but I'll be honest right now I could use a really good, deep, massage and a mans hands would do this much better than a females because they can get more pressure to the point it's needed.  It's my own fault though really; I should have done some neck warm ups beforehand, and had a nice soak in the bath rather than hopping in the shower last night; but we live and learn. Besides, how many other people warm up before they get a paintbrush out? Yes, I am well aware there will be a couple of you that have answered that you do; like the *friend* once that told me they warm up every time they get out their car to go for a walk, after I twanged my hamstring, when they were forgetting that EVERY single time they had ever been out walking with me, they'd never once made any effort to warm up - these people that want to tell lies, really do need to remind themselves they need a good memory if they are going to do so. 

If my stupid man tool hadn't broken on me Saturday afternoon when I was in full flow with it, then I wouldn't have been painting in the first place either to twang a muscle - damn those man tools :) I am off to buy a new one this evening to replace it but by the time I get home it will be too late to use it (they're quite noisy) and tomorrow I am giving blood when I leave work so won't be able to use it then as it will be too heavy to lift (after giving blood you can't lift anything for 24 hours). Then Wednesday the Grandfather is round, so I won't be able to do anything then so I will have all these man tools, but won't be able to play with them.. grrrr  :) However, the colour paint we got for the kitchen is amazing, and looks fab; had I not broken the man tools I wouldn't have found that out until next week :) 

On the subject of people with tools, I have today messaged someone about the 2 tattoo's on my wrists (the alien being completely the wrong colour with no definition and the flowers that are nothing like they should be). They've come highly recommended and I've seen their work so am hopeful the alien may finally be the colour he should have been to begin with, and the flowers might end up looking pretty rather than dull and clunky - but we shall see.  I'm sure I'll post photo's if they are sorted and look better. I know it means paying out more money that I don't really have, but walking round with art I'm not 100% happy with is not a good thing, and apparently this guy is well priced so it shouldn't cost me too much - she says knowing that my life doesn't really work that way and it will probably end up m costing me far more.. hahaha.  I'm hoping if he can do them he can fit me in when I have my week off in a couple of weeks; I only plans for 2 of the days so am sure me and him can work around each other to come up with a suitable time that works for us both :)

Adding to my pain - did I mention I need a damn good massage?? ;) is sage accounting package (I know it's not a physical pain, but believe me the bloody thing causes me mental pain all the time; I hate it). Last week Clive re-set it for me so I've spent 3 days re-adding 6 months worth of accounts, daily takings, invoices and all the other bits that have to go on there because for some reason the bank statements weren't reconciling. I finally got one to work (hurrah) for the very next one to tell me the last one wasn't in balance.  I have now decided enough is enough and I will hand over the 4 folders of paperwork I've been spending my time on to Clive, and tell him to get on with it. :) I know using sage we get our accountants bill cheaper, but I'd rather pay the extra and stick to quickbooks; that's a doddle to use. 

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

It's been 3 years

since I last saw my best friend alive; this time tomorrow it will be 3 years since her life ended. I know time flies by but how can it be 3 years already? 

I still pick up the phone to call or text her; I've not deleted her yet - I just can't bring myself to do so. She's still on my fb - although her profile has been deleted but I know that was done by her daughter so I can't remove her, it would feel wrong. Maybe that's silly of me; maybe thats just my way of dealing with her loss, and now it is her loss I feel. The anger I felt to begin with has diminished. I'll never lose that completely, but it's not directed at her, but at the piece of shit that she married. My hatred of him will never diminish, and I wish I had the proof I need to show that he was trying to kill her - the operation she had to have for her kidneys, I know was caused by him. The fact he left her lying on the floor writing in agony and wasn't willing to phone an ambulance prove to me he felt nothing for her; he physically and verbally abused her while she was dying - what kind of man would do that to a dying woman? How he told me when she died he would leave her "lying on a slab then" when he told me he would be the man to deal with her funeral and I told him her daughter would have something to say about that those; those were his words - I'll leave her lying on a slab then. What a despicable, vile piece of shit. I only hope one day he suffers; and suffers badly.  If only I had proof, but alas it's just my word against his and the police wouldn't be interested in anything I have to say; he's too clever and can twist things to make it appear as if he is the victim (I only wish he was).  I should have done more to talk her out of marrying him; her last few year of life were horrendous enough with the death of her Mother, illness of her daughter and dealing with her own cancer, but adding him to the mix made things 100 times worse. He is the vilest of scum and he should be the one I'm talking about as dying 3 years ago; not her. He should be dead (nobody would mourn him if he was, that's for sure) but he's not. He bullied her, abused her children verbally (I hope to god he never did it physically, but I'm sure he thought about doing so, he's that sick and twisted). He's living in her house with the woman he moved in less than 6 months after she died.  I only hope she doesn't have children, because my best friend wouldn't leave her kids alone with him; he threatened to beat her son at age 8 (as did his disgusting mother on another occasion) and the way he looked at her middle daughter used to un-nerve me; the things he said to her were very iffy too and I don't blame her for not leaving him with them. I'd never have let him nowhere near either of them. I am still angry as you can tell, but nothing like I was to begin with; even just a year ago this rant would have gone on for 10 pages. 

I wasn't there the day she died - I'd said I would leave work and go down as I knew it was her last day, but her other friends told me not to; they said she would still be ok and I had no need to leave the shop early. They were wrong, and I got the call from her eldest (my number 1) to tell me she'd passed away on the Monday afternoon - the 2nd worst call of my life (the first being the call from my bestie to tell me that Louis had died - that can't have been an easy call for her to make and I would never have got through that time without her).  The day before she died she was sleeping most of the time so we never got to speak, but I got to spend alone time with her and I filled the silence with many words of my own; the last words she ever said to me were when I left the evening before, and she had been dozing most of the evening and I'd only had 1 or 2 words out of her, but after kissing her forehead I told her I'd see her the next day, and as I walked out the room she shouted after me "love you". 

I am so lucky though to have so many amazing memories that only happened because of her; because we were friends.  I have the most amazing young woman (she's no longer a little one) in my life thanks to her; not many women would share their children, but she allowed me to build such a bond with her first born I feel like we're so much more than Sarah and Number one. I feel as close to her as I think I would be to a child of my own if I was to have any. Sadly due to her death and the younger 2's Dad being an arse, I don't get to see the younger 2 any more (not such a bad thing with the middle one as she's definitely got a bad chip on her shoulder and issues that need to be dealt with; I'd like to have helped her but their Dads attitude (and ultimately her's now) have put paid to anyone being able to help (he still owes me money for the funeral flowers he ordered for his kids) which is a real shame. I understand why she's behaved like she has (in one way) but in another I wish I could make her sit down and see how awful her behaviour is. Just the other week a friend of hers was telling her how proud her Mum would have been of her - her friend didn't know her Mum, had never met her. I knew her Mum, I knew her inside out, and I wanted to tell her that her friend was wrong; her Mum would be gutted to see how she's turned out. She was the child her Mum had such high hopes for; she believed she was going to go far in life, that she was a beautiful child inside and out but alas she's not turned out that way. Worse than being gutted her Mum would be disappointed but how do you tell a child that when she's dealing with grief? I'd like to shake her and tell her words I know her Mum would have said, but they would do no good. She thinks the world owes her a favour and sadly until she sees how awful her behaviour has been then that's not going to happen; the worst part about it is that her attitude and her falling out with (and upsetting everyone - she's upset many of her Mum's friends with her attitude and I know my number 1 will never have anything to do with her again because of how she's behaved towards her) but all this affects her younger brother; because of her he has now lost his older sister and his Mums' friends can't see him without his sister and nobody wants to see his sister because of her behaviour. My best friend would hate to see what she'd left behind; the devastation and destruction. The very things she hated in life that have taken hold with her death. My friend was the glue that kept it all together; if she was still alive and this all happened and was going on she would be dying inside. She would hate how things have turned out. 

This wasn't meant to be a rant about things; it was meant to be about my memories. Times that were fun, and until she married vile shit features, we really did have some fun times. We should still be having those times, but life doesn't ask what we want so I have to remember the memories and keep her spirit alive by remembering, and by smiling. We did some really crazy things and got away with doing crazy things to others too. She had the best sense of humour of anyone I've ever known, and when we got together we bounced off each other. So many evenings we laughed so hard we'd be in pain, unable to see through the tears, and short of breath where the laughter was coming so hard and fast our lungs couldn't keep up. For 20 years we spent pretty much every day together and not once did we ever have an argument; how many friends can say that? She bought out the best of me and I think I allowed her to be who she really was and that's why our friendship worked so well. The fact neither of us wanted anything from the other helped. So many friendships are built around people that want something from the other; in fact a lot of my friendships are built that way. There are those that want me for cheap flowers, trips out, nights out, holidays. Everyone seems to want a piece of me for their own gains; my bestie wasn't like that. She just wanted my friendship and if we went somewhere (anywhere) it was always a 50/50 split. If I paid for the hotel, she'd pay the fuel and food. If I paid for dinner one day, she'd pay for it the next. If I drove one night, she drove the next time we went out. We had an equal friendship; I've never had that with anyone before or since. She was unconditional in every sense of the word. She wanted nothing from anyone, but would do everything for others - this was her biggest downfall and saw her treated like shit by many people she treated as (and considered) friends (those people are a rant for another day).

She promised me before she died if there was such a thing as life after death, she would come back and prove it to me (we both used to believe there was such a thing) but as yet she's not come back, she's not shown me it's real and there has been nothing that's happened that would suggest she's dropped by so my faith and belief in the spirit world has been tested - is still being tested. I still want to believe there is and that she will show me, but she's had 3 years and nothing as yet, and as much as a wind up merchant as she was, I truly believe if she could have come back because life after death is real, even she - with her humour - wouldn't have left me this long.

Tomorrow will not be a day of sadness; I will remember the crazy things we did. I will laugh at the things we found funny, and I will spend the evening with my number 1 where we will remember her Mum but we won't dwell. We will talk about our lives as they are now, because after all is said and done, we are still here. We still have life and we have to live it; that's the best way to honour my bestie's memory. Life truly does go on :)


Monday, 23 March 2015

I went to London

and bought a heat magazine; actually I didn't technically buy it, the nutty one did, because I had only just got myself the coffee I'd been gasping for, for over 2 hours and I wasn't putting that down to go into a shop for anyone :) 

We planned the trip at the beginning of the year (we have trips planned for every other month for the rest of the year, with an additional one next month for both our birthdays; we'd do something every month but sadly funds don't allow us that luxury). Originally we were going to Longleat but it turns out it closes some days and the day we wanted was one of them. Must admit after working 17 days straight (and having done way MORE overtime than I anticipated - I wasn't even aware there were quite so many hours in a day) a day off was muchly needed, although with hindsight I should possibly have just stayed in bed all day.. But then if I had I'd have missed out on a great day in our capital city, and you only live once. 

Outside the Natural History Museum with my heat magazine :) 

Now, I will admit I am not a fan of cities and London is a place I usually avoid, but I fancied visiting the Imperial War museum so to London we had to go (we never actually made it to our planned stop, so will be going back). However, that morning as I was getting ready the news channels were making a big thing out of a toxic cloud that was heading our way and they were saying only to travel to London the day we went if you absolutely have to; I contacted Nutty to see what she wanted to do (secretly hoping she would say let's go somewhere else - I know it would have meant we lost money on our train tickets but we got such a good deal it was something I was happy to forego). She said she still wanted to so off we went. 

The train going up was busy but thankfully not packed out (I guess we went at the right time) and aside from being gasping for coffee (what kind of train doesn't have a buffet car attached? More to the point what kind of train station doesn't have a coffee vending machine before you get on the train?) we had a good journey up there. 

I was pleasantly surprised at how un-crowded it was (the thing I really hate about London is people) and we were able to make our way easily across the city to the Natural History Museum (we decided to go there on our way up). Stunning building on an architectural level, but I am so glad it was free to get in because had I paid, it would definitely not have been worth the money. The fact there had to have been over 30 different schools visiting with lots of little people, didn't help and because of this half the time we literally had to ignore things to get by them or we could have been stuck in a room with hundreds of kids for hours (not really my thing).  I'm also not really that interested in Dinosaurs, and the amount of taxidermy put me off a bit - thankfully I have seen the creatures they have in there in the flesh so I passed by those displays. 


After leaving there we walked over the road to the Victoria and Albert Museum - I could have spent all day in there and still not seen it all (I never did find the photography exhibition I wanted to find on the 3rd floor). I actually walked for over 3 miles while in the building and I am sure I didn't get to see half of it :) That being free is a bonus, but I would happily have paid to visit it and I personally think they should be charging. There was so much to look at, although I will admit the amount of pots they had on the top floor was a little bit too much; there is after all only so many pots you can view in one go :) 


Again the building itself that houses the V&A is stunning; I wish now I'd taken my new camera, but I was a bit wary about wandering round London with a decent piece of kit.  I have no idea what the building was used for before so will be having a nose around google at some point to see if I can find it out; I will also definitely visit again in the future, when I have more time. 

Finally after leaving there we hopped on a bus for 2 stops, and found ourselves in Harrods - my first ever visit to the store. It's an ok place and again somewhere we didn't have long enough to spend our time in, but at the end of the day it's also just a department store and I'm not a shopper. 

We did have some fun in the Disney department (which is nowhere near big enough) and lunch in the Disney cafe (we were definitely too old for that). :)  We also had ourselves some ice-cream in the ice-cream bit which I know has a name but no idea what that is - as you can tell I pay a lot of attention to such things. I'm not really an ice-cream person but I picked out one that sounded ok; however I ate very little of it as it was really sickly, but if you like ice-cream then it would be worth a visit (if you have enough funds as it was extremely expensive for what it was).

 He got angry :)  and Darth wasn't very helpful :) 
We didn't really plan our train back very well as we were booked on the 19.09 one which meant we then had to get across London on the tube during rush hour; what an experience that was, although I will admit again it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We'd already said if we couldn't both get on the same tube we'd meet the other end, but somehow we managed to squish our flabby bodies into a carriage; how people do that every day is beyond me. Aside from the obvious dangers of being so crammed in, it's not nice being pushed up against total strangers. People are also so bloody rude and ignorant. When we got to our stop the tiny lady in front of me wanted to get out but I could see she had a bag that was stuck so was giving her time to sort herself, as some impatient bint behind me was trying to shove me forward; needless to say the lady got her bag out safely. I understand the woman behind might have wanted to get home but she could have caused injury to the one with the bag, and for the sake of 20 seconds everyone got out safely. I think you have to be a certain breed of person to do London and I am not one of those :) The train was heaving and we were lucky to be able to find seating together as it had filled up so much; thankfully after 2 stops things thinned out and we were able to move to a better seating area.  

Had planned on eating in the pub when we got back (my car was parked up there) but by the time we got back they'd already stopped serving (earlier than usual but I guess that's because it was quite quiet in there) which was a bugger, so a packet of salt and vinegar crisps was had, and we left about 15 minutes after we arrived when we had been planning on staying for the rest of the evening. 

All in all though a good day out was had ;)

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

This could be a long one

so you might want to make yourself a cuppa and get comfy - I have a cuppa myself, but am perched on the awful wooden stool thing I have at work, so am far from comfy, but it will have to do for now. 

I am going to rant (ish). I may rant is what I should have said; what I'm really going to do is make a few observations and ask some questions (obviously I'm not expecting answers as I have no idea whether this post will be seen by anyone to begin with - so maybe I should have said I will be asking rhetorical questions). I did warn you it was going to be a long one. :)

I'm sure I've ranted about the narcissists and attention seekers that seem to be creeping into FB at an alarming rate, but just recently I've begun to notice it more among people I had never considered before. I've even perused the option that I could be one too - this blog in itself could also lend weight to me being one. However; what leads me back the other way (the way that I'm not and I'm really just some grumpy middle aged woman that likes to rant) is the fact that it doesn't bother me a single jot if nobody reads this. I don't sit and write this for anyone other than me (in fact for years I kept it private and all my posts were just drafts). All my life I've wanted to keep a diary (I know some people that write in one every night) but I've never been disciplined enough to keep one up together (or had the time) which is why I've never written the book I would dearly love to be able to write, but then blogging came along, and I realised if I was to start a blog in the way I would write a diary, I would be more inclined to spend time on it - and I do - so it's more for me to keep a track on what I've been up to, or how I've been feeling, than it is garnering attention from others. The only reason I ended up changing the settings so others could read it, is because one day I was talking about death, grieving, and how the pain never goes away, and I (in my narcissistic way) thought that maybe someone just beginning their grieving stage, feeling at their lowest, could possibly come across what I had to say, and they would be able to see that it does get easier (it never gets better) but you do reach a stage eventually where you are able to laugh again; to live again. I know when I reached my lowest point with my Dad (he laid the foundations for everyone that has followed) actually speaking to someone that had been through the various stages, helped me to deal with certain stages when they arrived. I never knew about the anger at the person that had died - had I known when I was going through it, that it was all part of one of the stages of grief, I may have not had such guilty thoughts and feelings for being so angry. 

Anyway; I'm not really here for that (I just wanted to see if I was an attention seeking narcissist or not and I don't think I am - your opinion may differ). 

What's got me on one this morning (and for the past few weeks) is attention seeking from others - or more their ignorance (yeah; I think that's what pisses me off more - ignorance). 

I'm one of those people that will share a lot on fb (no; really, I do :) ) - I find it's a great way to keep in touch with people, and to catch up with those you may have lost touch with; I do have my phone connected to it most of the time, and I log on when I get to work. Not because I want the world to see I'm there, but because some days I can spend 10 or more hours in the shop on my own; having fb logged on gives me the feeling that I'm not totally alone - there is life inside the computer I can access at any time if the solitude at work is too much.  It's an odd kind of place though, where I've certainly got to see people in a different way to how I thought they were. People I've known for years appear at times more angry, sad, pathetic or downright ignorant than I ever thought they were, or have experienced them in the real world. I post random stuff on my account - some of it gets responses; some of it doesn't, but one thing I have never, and will never do is post something just looking for attention. If I want interaction with people I'll either send them a private message or respond to something they've posted. This is where the really annoying (piss me off) side of fb and people come into play. I have some friends that will deliberately post things they know are going to wind people up the wrong way (religion and politics being particular faves of some). To be that desperate for attention when you have a family and big network of friends I find quite sad, and in a way I feel an odd sympathy for those that do, but at the same time I want to shake them and tell them if their life is that bad then change it. 

Then there are those that have a crush on (or blatantly fancy someone on their fb) and will put up status posts related to that, in the hope the person will see it, realise it's directed at them and they'll fall madly in love and live happily ever after. WTF is that all about? To the person who's not on the receiving end, it's reads like desperation and is reminiscent of kids in the playground. As a grown up (adult) if you like someone, get off your arse and tell them. Don't play the cryptic route and then whine to friends that you seem to be getting nowhere, or that the person you like obviously doesn't like you. They may not even know your status is about them. If the amount of death that's surrounded me from people close to me that have died so young, has taught me anything, it's that you can't sit back and wait for life to come to you. At the end of the day, the worst thing that can happen is the person you desire doesn't look at you that way. If they are a decent person (or good friend to begin with) they will continue to be so and in time you will both laugh about it; if they're not and they get shitty about it, or start to blank you, then know what a lucky escape you've had because they're an obvious twat and move on; either way at least you'll know and won't waste a year or 2 of your life wondering, and then being gutted, if they meet someone and move on with their life. 

Now the cryptic's (I actually got told by a friend once that I had been posting quite cryptic status updates - when I asked the friend why they hadn't posted at the time on the status to let me know it was (at which point I could have answered what it was all about - I really am that honest and transparent) so we could have moved on, they said they just thought I was messing about, but there are those that will post cryptic's and ignore all comments and questions from people; they really piss me off. If you don't want to answer people, don't post the bloody status in the first place. That is total attention seeking; ooh look at me, I'm going to get you to notice me, but once you do, I'll ignore you. If you don't want to share what's going on, then don't post anything. It really is pathetic - although not as bad as those that will reply to a cryptic comment question with the words "I'll PM you". FFS - I'd expect that of a child (maybe) but an adult? Again if you only want certain people to see select things, only share with those people. Don't share with everyone - unless of course you are seeking people's attention, at which point you become pathetic. I recently saw on my news feed someone posted about looking forward to going out that evening; half an hour later when it got no response they posted about how they were looking forward to going out and having a catch up. An hour later another post showed they were already out; that evening when they got back the next post was along the lines of "oh my; I wasn't expecting that". This was the post that finally got a response, with someone saying "ooh do share". There never was any sharing and the next day another status similar was posted. That is just so sad and ignorant as can be. 

I think I've said before (I am getting on a bit so often repeat myself) but I have my fb set up so I can share with who I want; there are some things I'll share on there that I don't want my Mum or older relations to see (not because I'm keeping things hidden, but because I couldn't be doing with the 20 questions that will follow). There are grown up style status updates I may not want the kids to see (especially if I've used bad language - rare, but it happens) so they will be stopped from seeing such updates. As much as I can be an open book about things, I can also be very private and I choose what I share on fb and who I share it with, just as I choose who I share what with in real life (I know fb is real - sometimes - but you know what I mean?) Yes I share photo's of places I'm out and about with friends, and I'll tag myself at places with people (sometimes just so a certain group of people that know me don't get on at me to get out more, because they think I spend all my time at home watching tv or reading books - they think that because I don't share my life with them, no matter how much they think I do, or how well they think they know me - and believe me some of them think they know the whole, real me, when they haven't got a clue). I keep a lot of my life private and share with only select people. I can guarantee over 90% of people have no idea I had an odd 6 year part-time relationship with a guy in Andover, that only really ended about 18 months ago. When friends were telling me I needed to get out more, they didn't know I wasn't even at home. I'd laugh some mornings when I could see some status updates, with friends complaining about the traffic they were stuck in on their 4 or 5 mile journey to work; I could have been sat on the A303, or A34 for over an hour, worrying about whether I was going to make it to the shop in time to open up, and they had no clue (mind you I did try to stick to Friday and Saturday nights only if I was staying over), so while I'm being told I live my life over fb and people always know what I'm up to, they actually have no clue what I'm really doing - they only know what I want to share; however, I won't share unless I am willing to commit to that share 100% which is why it pisses me off when people play cryptic.

My last rant (this hasn't turned out to be quite as long as I thought it would, although there is still time for it too) is the ignorants that don't like it when people act the same way to them. The worst thing about a lot of messaging services these days, is that they will show you when someone has read the message that's been sent to them. This is the biggest piss me off thing going. Sometimes I will get a message and I'm at work; I may be busy, but not enough that I can't stop to read the message that's come through. in case it might be important or urgent (yes I know a phone call would signify urgent, but some of my friends may not have enough credit to call, but can access their messaging services without it affecting their phone balance). If I read it and it's not something that needs an immediate response I will pop it to the "to-do" list, once I have finished all my work jobs. I never fail to reply, but don't always do it immediately. I expect my friends if they don't reply to a message I send straight away don't do so because they've glanced, seen it's not important and will respond later. However; those same people that don't respond to me straight away, still expect me to do so to them the second I read the message. I've had it before where I've not replied so 15-30 minutes later another message has been sent asking if I received the message ok (they know I have because their service tells them I have). Luckily if I can see it's from the same person I don't bother to open and will read the 2nd message when I'm ready to respond to the first; in doing this though I've then had a whatsapp message bleep on my phone, from the same person asking if I got the 2 earlier messages on fb from them? In opening the whatsapp, they can then see I've read it, so if that's not replied to it's followed up with a text asking me why I'm ignoring them - I'm not; I'm just trying to run a business. These very same people are the ones that will read my message, and not reply (I have no problem with that) but what does piss me off is that will then spend the next 8 hours posting crap all over fb, and when they finally do reply they'll come out with some crap like "sorry I didn't reply earlier; I've been so busy I didn't have time to stop". NEVER lie to me; just tell me you didn't think it was urgent so got on with sharing your crap first. I can't stand people that lie when it's obvious they are lying. 

I can't even begin to tell you what I think of those that get on their fb and share the status "I'm deleting my account after today for personal reasons" and who then either don't delete it after everyone has sent them comments asking why or not too (these are never responded to from the status poster) or a week later they will re-activate their account and their first status back will be "I'm back; did you miss me?" Nope - didn't even notice you had gone you attention seeking twat. 

Will I share this post? No idea until I go to close it down (google does share it to my g+ page the minute I hit publish though, which is another thing that pee's me off because I then have to log that page on to delete the post, if I don't want everyone to read it and only want to share with a select few).  I probably will share it, but not because I'm looking for attention; more for those that might see a part of themselves in it and realise their actions at times do affect others - mind you I guess a proper attention seeker or narcissist would never see themselves as one of the people I've ranted about to begin with, so therefore I once again make myself look like one - maybe I really am after all. 



Thursday, 12 February 2015

whoah.. eeeeee.. arrrgghhhh

ooooff.. THUD.. s*%t, f(@k, Boll(£ks..  yep; that's pretty much how my morning went yesterday. 

It started with me being rudely awakened (by the alarm clock of all things; can't remember the last time that woke me up - I'm normally wide awake hours before it goes off). I was in the middle of a wonderful dream (you know the ones you really don't want to wake up from?).  Completely thrown (and still wanting - and feeling like I wanted - to be in bed) I wandered round in some weird daze-like state. Thankfully by the time I got to work I was fully alert and ready to start what was to be the beginning of a very busy few days; had I known yesterday what I know now I really would have stayed in bed :) 

Getting to the shop I saw that my lovely assistant (I've got to say she's lovely in case she ever reads this) had changed the window display for me after I went home Tuesday afternoon (I had asked her to do so but also knew she'd been really busy so wasn't expecting it to be changed. There were a couple of bits in there though that I thought needed not to be, so I got the steps we have (it's a stool thing with some steps on it) climbed the steps and balanced one leg on the top of it (which is wide enough to use as a seat if you so wish) and the other I placed on the window's base so I could reach to do what I wanted. The bottom of my lowest foot was 3ft off the ground - this is relevant.  Having completed the window challenge I stepped back the foot that was in the window, onto the top of the stool - or that was the plan. What I actually did was step to the side, missing the top of the stool all together. 

It all seemed to happen in slow motion; the leg that missed it's spot flailed wildly still hoping that it would make it to the stool top - the brain couldn't register that it had already missed it's spot.  As the brain kicked in my arms did some kind of weird windmill motion (I can only assume I was trying to fly so I didn't hit the floor as hard as I knew I was going to - from a distance of 3-4ft and with my weight I'm sure you can imagine how hard I hit the ground). In waving my arms, I managed to catch some vases, so by the time I did hit the floor (and I hit it hard I can tell you) there was also broken vases, flowers and about an inch of water waiting for me too. My arms never made it to the floor before me to help break my fall, so when I landed I did so with a THUD. Thank goodness my arse is so well padded, because that definitely distributed me nicely over a bigger area (had I not had so much I think I would have really hurt myself - well, hurt more than I did). The worst part was the water - aside from feeling stupid, feeling the bruising begin almost immediately, throbbing everywhere from my thighs to me neck (it's actually my neck - where I jarred when I it the deck - and right arm that hurt more today than my back - I think my arse is going to throb for weeks).  It took me about a minute before I found the energy to lift myself up, and it was at this point I fully registered that I was sitting in water (my trousers from top to bottom were sopping). Luckily I was in leggings and they dried quickly - had I been in jeans I may have had to ring my Mum to get me so dry clothes and then bring them up to the shop for me. 

I wasted half an hour mopping the floor (time I needed) then went out the back to clean the mop bucket out, and as I turned round to put it on the floor, a pile of boxes fell on top of me - I'm so glad they were empties waiting to go back to the wholesaler. 

Hoping that was my lot for the day, I was gutted when I spoke to the wholesalers who couldn't get all my order to me in time (half my order was still in Holland) and the bits I really needed weren't the bits I got (that added to my time issues - I was already behind after my acrobatics) so things were a bit tense for a while, but I had no choice to not carry on. Opening a wrap of white roses I managed to get a thorn stuck in my finger but rather than pull out, it kept me stuck to the rose itself and the only way I could free myself was to rip it from me (this then left a bleeding jagged split in my finger). At this point I wanted to give up and go home, but I had no choice to soldier on, and I was glad that nothing else happened for the rest of the day - well nothing as bad as earlier. 

I did have a vase jump off a shelf as I walked by that hit me - there was someone in the shop at the time who could't believe that I was nowhere near it when it got me (I think it was something to do with the builders next door). 

By the time I finally got home I was exhausted and hurting a lot more than I thought I should be.  However, even after all that, what hurt more was the fact that not one of my friends bothered to ask if I was ok (fb friends, other florists and customers all checked in on me - even a guy that I follow and who follows me on twitter) but friends? Not one, and they can't use the excuse they didn't know because I put it on my fb (twice) and the shops fb, and they were on and off line all day sharing their own stuff (and a couple were doing their drama llama, woe is me crap looking for sympathy from everyone - they got none from me :) .

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Why do all

crazy woman moments happen in the early hours of the morning? (normally around the 3am mark in my world).

Now before I go on, I know sometimes my little brother (who is really not little any more and towers over me by a foot) will often read my waffling on here (think he's trying to work out at what point he finally needs to have me committed - I won't go down without a fight though) so brothery dear if you are reading you might want to look away now and come back another day - your big sistery is about to talk about men lusting after her and you don't need to be having those images in your head.. hahaha - "too late" he cries.. they're now already there :) I am such a great big sister... Mind you; at the time of writing this he is waiting for a train to take him to the airport where a 40 minute flight and some more travel await him, so he may miss when I share :) - just spoken to him and his flight is delayed by an hour :)

So; back to my waffle - that really is not interesting and is just a way for me to make myself look like a din in public :)   What awakened me I do not know (although the older I get the weaker the bladder gets - that wasn't the reason last night but I think my body is so used to having to wake in the night, it wouldn't have felt right if it hadn't). Having given up counting sheep - my room just isn't big enough to keep them all in - although I should have thought about it better; I could have counted fish - of those I have hundreds - as I lay there trying to ignore all the noises round and about (the cat wailing, dog howling, floorboards creaking - all those delightful sounds) so I could clear my mind hoping sleep would return, when suddenly a message a friend sent me earlier popped into my head (it actually hit me smack bang between the eyes, in big, bold, red writing) and sleep was to be no more, as the tiny little pea brain went into some crazy overload. 

Yesterday I'd posted on my fb about how I had walked to work (I left early so I could avoid those awful school children creatures - although I did encounter 5 with absolutely massive snow balls).. that was the reason I walked; I woke up to snow :) - when you get to the bottom of this page you will know that with the snow and what has happened to me since I started this blog entry, the last 2 days have been totally AMAZING so far - but for now back to snow. There it was, all lush and white on the pavements, trees, fields and my car, so I decided to dig out my coat and winter woollies and take a stroll (normally I bring the car in case I have to nip out and do a delivery but I had no intentions of driving in the snow so used it to my advantage). Anyway (I keep getting distracted; if you're keeping up with me you're doing really well because I have no idea where I am right now) I mentioned on my status about what a gorgeous walk it was (when the 5 school children creatures had found another route) and how lovely the trees were and I wished I had a camera with me, and a friend of mine (someone I grew up with but who I haven't seen for years) asked if I was still living in the same place. Of course I am... I think I'll still be there when I'm 90 (unless I meet a millionaire of course; but then do I really want someone with that much money? There's no challenges when you can afford everything you want) so I just replied that I was. That's what the 3am monster latched on to... 

That monster; the 3am one, suddenly decided that she had asked me if I was still living there, because someone had asked her where I was living these days. That someone being my first ever love (yes I know I mention him a lot, but he really was *the one*.. hahaha.. well the one until someone better comes along :)  She is still friends with him, so the 3am monster (I'm going to name him Greg - that sounds like a perfectly good monster name to me) decided she was asking me on his behalf. Greg told me that his perfect wife had left him, and he wanted to get in touch with me again because he'd always been in love with me.. hahahaha.. you've gotta love Greg when he sneaks in at silly o'clock. Greg also said he was willing to move back to the UK (he lives abroad now and has done for years) because he wants me still.. hahahahaha.. I did warn you I was a bit crazy :) He also wanted my address so he could send me a Valentines Card (this one then got totally thrown to one side because everyone that knows me (and he knew me really well) knows that I despise everything Valentines related and he would never send me a card because of that). I have a friend who is doing an anti-valentines which to me is even worse because they're falling into the whole valentines crap, but thinking they are rebelling against it. It's quite ironic really to spend as much time and effort on going anti when they could just waste their money on the normal day and be done with it - I for one won't be doing either; normal valentines or anti - the whole thing is a load of claptrap nonsense. If someone likes me enough to want to buy me flowers and send me a nice card, they can bloody well do it on a day when nobody else is; talk about sheep following the herd. Greg just wouldn't give up though and lead me from my first love (who Greg was still trying to convince me wanted me back - and no I wouldn't have been seconds to his wife (who I am sure is lovely and so I am sorry for thinking of her husband in such a way) because I was his first, so could never be a second) to the 2 other men I would have difficulty choosing between at the moment. Yes; I do have a bit of a thing for 2 who are totally different to each other, but really very similar at the same time. If either of them (one is married so he's a no go anyway; the other is single) were ever to have some kind of breakdown and decide I was the one to put a smile on their face, I would seriously struggle to know which one to choose; alas neither will step up to the plate so I won't ever have to decide.. but one day.... one day.. :) :)

One of my male friends is right; I really do need to get out more - although he didn't say that.. but I am sure you're intelligent enough to get his meaning? :) 

If you've stuck with me through all the above crap then congratulations, because now comes the best bit; the most exciting bit.  Today Ugly Kid Joe released some tour dates for this year (I had a feeling they would) so me and the nutty one have only gone and booked ourselves not 1.. not 2.. but 3 (yes that's 3 - and if they do any other closer we may do more) gigs.. 2 of those we have gone VIP on - it means we'll end up with 4 signed albums between the 2 of us and they can claim us as stalkers, but who cares?? .. I am dancing me a mighty happy jig right now I can tell you. I knew 2015 was going to be one amazing year; so far it's really not let me down :) :) I literally am bouncing off the wall; 3 gigs.. Three? I've been happy in the past with 1 (that's because that was all I could afford) but THREE?? OMG I think I might smile for the rest of the year.. I definitely won't eat for the rest of the year. I remember my last photo with the man.. I am NOT looking like that this year.. :)




Friday, 23 January 2015

I am loving

2015. I knew it was going to be a good one before it started, but I never in a million years (not that I've been around for a million years - such an odd saying really) thought that it would start as well as it has. I can honestly say it's all quite mightily marvellous. 

Work has just been amazing since I came back after the festive season; never known a January like it, and there are still 8 days of this month remaining (where has the time gone?) and already there is enough money to cover ALL the bills including a big chunk being paid back to Clive - that's now 4 months on the trot I've been able to pay him some (this months being the biggest chunk so far). This makes me muchly happy - I might even get him paid back before 2025 at this rate :) 

Obviously the year started the right way with the trip to the pub (where we ended up last night too - it's like a magnet to us :0) I think we were most welcome too - partly because we doubled the amount of patrons - it was wee bit quiet in there, but also because we are so fab and they love us in there.. hahahaha.. if any of them ever read that bit I may not be allowed to live it down :)  :) I also gained a potential new customer (2 more people came in for an hour then left, but they trebled the patronage :) ) which can never be a bad thing. It's a great little (actually it's quite big) place if and if you're ever passing by, you should definitely pop in. 

Prior to our visit there, we (that's me and the nutty one of course - she's the only fool brave enough to go out to play with me) both took the day off and went out to play for the day. We were actually really well behaved yesterday and didn't attract a single weirdo (James doesn't count last night because we attracted him years ago - you know we're right too Mister if you're reading this... hahahahaha). In fact, we ourselves were very quiet and caught up in taking in absorbing our surroundings, but that doesn't mean we didn't have a fab day.  

It all went a bit tits up and pear shaped to begin with when as I was sat having a cuppa in the morning, thinking about washing my hair, putting a face on and working out how much time I needed to de-frost the car (I'm also loving this wonderful cold weather that we've got) check my oil and water levels, before heading to the petrol station to fuel up and check my tyres. Mum was sat in her pj's watching tv, when there was a bang, bang, bang on the front door. One of things I love about my Mum when someone knocks on the door is how she'll look at me and ask "who's that?" like I have some kind of xray vision and can see through 2 walls and curtains :) Turns out it was the BT engineer to look at our broken (for the umpteenth time) phone line. When I booked the engineer the one thing I stipulated was that Thursday was the only day we weren't free, and yet there he was, just before 8am on a Thursday morning knocking on my door. When I told him we'd booked for Friday afternoon he told me he either did it yesterday or we'd have to phone and re-book - having spent over an hour on the phone to book him in the first place, there was no way I was turning him away. By the time I finally had to leave, my hair still needed washing and there wasn't a single flicker of anything on my face - I went out blotchy and red. Thankfully the trip to the garage and car de-frost didn't take too long, but I never fueled at the place I did my tyres (it was too busy to wait) so decided to do so nearer to the nutty ones abode. What a mistake this was to be as I got stuck behind a pallet lorry who also decided to use the same petrol station, however, thanks to some woman in a BMW (they are actually worse than men in beemers) the lorry stopped half on the forecourt, and half on the road. This action by him meant I was blocking the lane for cars to get by and for some reason the dick behind me seemed to think it was my fault (he was in a merc so you can imagine what kind of dick he was) and started to lean on his horn to get me to move (I had nowhere to move except give up on the idea of fuel and carry on to the nutty one). After his 3rd toot I got out the car to have a quiet word (he literally went as white as a sheet and suddenly didn't want to lean on his horn any more). While out of the car I then made my way to the lorry driver, who had plenty of room to move forward or onto a pump. A little altercation passed  between us, but he backed down before I did and moved so I was finally able to fuel. At this point I thought maybe someone was trying to stop me going out to play. 

The plan before I left home had been to look at a map to work out my route for getting to Avebury (we went to see the neolithic rings don't you know?) but due to the BT man unplugging everything so I had no internet, and just causing delays this didn't happen, but I knew I could go via Salisbury or Andover and head north, or go up to Newbury and head west; I chose Newbury on the way and Salisbury to come back. However a wrong turn in Marlborough saw us log on to a phone sat nav, who was doing great until she told us in 600ft to turn left on the roundabout - she then told us in 100ft, 1000ft, quarter of a mile and half a mile to do the same thing without pausing for breath. As the left turn on the next roundabout we got to only lead to an industrial estate, we assumed this was a new one and not the one she meant, so we continued straight until we found the next one - the next one never materialised and poor sat nav lady pretty much lost the plot - we had to fire her.  Finally 35 miles from our destination (we'd been less than 3 when we took the wrong turn) we were able to load a map and find our way back to where we needed to be. 

While the mighty big pieces of rock were quite phenomenal (the one with the face of the devil really caught our eye) I will admit being able to walk through the field of sheepies was much more up my street :) I was able to get close enough to one to get a great photo but after 30 attempts at shots to get him to look at me resigned myself to the fact I was only going to get a side view :) I could have moved or got closer but didn't want to frighten him. The stones though were amazing and there were a lot of photo's taken - my brother had lent me his camera which made me feel like a female David Bailey and I kept trying to take arty shots, while the nutty used my little point and shoot - she spent ages photographing one stone from every angle. I've had a quick look through them and posted my favourite below, but am looking forward to sorting them out over the weekend and having a proper look - especially as I borrowed my brother's camera to help me decide whether to invest in a decent one of my own (I believe I have decided to do so).

I wish I could take credit for this but other than the fact she was using my camera, this shot was taken by the Nutty one :) 

After leaving the rings at Avebury, we drove round to Silbury Hill and the longbarrow (we wandered to the mount) but it was starting to get darker by the time we got to the longbarrow, so we've decided to go back at a later date to explore that. Before making our way homeward (pubward really) we came across a place called Woodhenge - neither of us had ever heard of it before - that's just to the north of Stonehenge. These days the wooden poles that had been there originally have been replaced by concrete ones, but it was a lovely little spot to stop at and watch the sun go down. 

From there we headed to the pub which is where I started this blog entry, so this seems like a good place to end it :0)  Ooh; forgot to mention after I got home last night (which was late) I had a message from an old "friend" that I've not seen or heard from in over 2 years - the weirdest part is that we had practically driven by where he used to live when we got lost so I'd been talking about him during the day.  Also, the amount of tanks (which includes the men in uniform driving them we saw most definitely helped keep a smile on my face). Add to that some other news I heard yesterday (that I've wanted to hear for a while) and I can honestly say yesterday was a really great day :)