Monday, 30 March 2015

Who knew decorating

could be so bloody painful?

I know when it happened; it was the point I leant back on the ladder to reach a piece of wall that was above and behind me; that's when I pulled, twanged or twisted a muscle in my neck/back/shoulder area and it bloody well hurts I can tell you. 

There aren't many times in my life that I want a man around, but I'll be honest right now I could use a really good, deep, massage and a mans hands would do this much better than a females because they can get more pressure to the point it's needed.  It's my own fault though really; I should have done some neck warm ups beforehand, and had a nice soak in the bath rather than hopping in the shower last night; but we live and learn. Besides, how many other people warm up before they get a paintbrush out? Yes, I am well aware there will be a couple of you that have answered that you do; like the *friend* once that told me they warm up every time they get out their car to go for a walk, after I twanged my hamstring, when they were forgetting that EVERY single time they had ever been out walking with me, they'd never once made any effort to warm up - these people that want to tell lies, really do need to remind themselves they need a good memory if they are going to do so. 

If my stupid man tool hadn't broken on me Saturday afternoon when I was in full flow with it, then I wouldn't have been painting in the first place either to twang a muscle - damn those man tools :) I am off to buy a new one this evening to replace it but by the time I get home it will be too late to use it (they're quite noisy) and tomorrow I am giving blood when I leave work so won't be able to use it then as it will be too heavy to lift (after giving blood you can't lift anything for 24 hours). Then Wednesday the Grandfather is round, so I won't be able to do anything then so I will have all these man tools, but won't be able to play with them.. grrrr  :) However, the colour paint we got for the kitchen is amazing, and looks fab; had I not broken the man tools I wouldn't have found that out until next week :) 

On the subject of people with tools, I have today messaged someone about the 2 tattoo's on my wrists (the alien being completely the wrong colour with no definition and the flowers that are nothing like they should be). They've come highly recommended and I've seen their work so am hopeful the alien may finally be the colour he should have been to begin with, and the flowers might end up looking pretty rather than dull and clunky - but we shall see.  I'm sure I'll post photo's if they are sorted and look better. I know it means paying out more money that I don't really have, but walking round with art I'm not 100% happy with is not a good thing, and apparently this guy is well priced so it shouldn't cost me too much - she says knowing that my life doesn't really work that way and it will probably end up m costing me far more.. hahaha.  I'm hoping if he can do them he can fit me in when I have my week off in a couple of weeks; I only plans for 2 of the days so am sure me and him can work around each other to come up with a suitable time that works for us both :)

Adding to my pain - did I mention I need a damn good massage?? ;) is sage accounting package (I know it's not a physical pain, but believe me the bloody thing causes me mental pain all the time; I hate it). Last week Clive re-set it for me so I've spent 3 days re-adding 6 months worth of accounts, daily takings, invoices and all the other bits that have to go on there because for some reason the bank statements weren't reconciling. I finally got one to work (hurrah) for the very next one to tell me the last one wasn't in balance.  I have now decided enough is enough and I will hand over the 4 folders of paperwork I've been spending my time on to Clive, and tell him to get on with it. :) I know using sage we get our accountants bill cheaper, but I'd rather pay the extra and stick to quickbooks; that's a doddle to use. 

Wednesday, 25 March 2015

It's been 3 years

since I last saw my best friend alive; this time tomorrow it will be 3 years since her life ended. I know time flies by but how can it be 3 years already? 

I still pick up the phone to call or text her; I've not deleted her yet - I just can't bring myself to do so. She's still on my fb - although her profile has been deleted but I know that was done by her daughter so I can't remove her, it would feel wrong. Maybe that's silly of me; maybe thats just my way of dealing with her loss, and now it is her loss I feel. The anger I felt to begin with has diminished. I'll never lose that completely, but it's not directed at her, but at the piece of shit that she married. My hatred of him will never diminish, and I wish I had the proof I need to show that he was trying to kill her - the operation she had to have for her kidneys, I know was caused by him. The fact he left her lying on the floor writing in agony and wasn't willing to phone an ambulance prove to me he felt nothing for her; he physically and verbally abused her while she was dying - what kind of man would do that to a dying woman? How he told me when she died he would leave her "lying on a slab then" when he told me he would be the man to deal with her funeral and I told him her daughter would have something to say about that those; those were his words - I'll leave her lying on a slab then. What a despicable, vile piece of shit. I only hope one day he suffers; and suffers badly.  If only I had proof, but alas it's just my word against his and the police wouldn't be interested in anything I have to say; he's too clever and can twist things to make it appear as if he is the victim (I only wish he was).  I should have done more to talk her out of marrying him; her last few year of life were horrendous enough with the death of her Mother, illness of her daughter and dealing with her own cancer, but adding him to the mix made things 100 times worse. He is the vilest of scum and he should be the one I'm talking about as dying 3 years ago; not her. He should be dead (nobody would mourn him if he was, that's for sure) but he's not. He bullied her, abused her children verbally (I hope to god he never did it physically, but I'm sure he thought about doing so, he's that sick and twisted). He's living in her house with the woman he moved in less than 6 months after she died.  I only hope she doesn't have children, because my best friend wouldn't leave her kids alone with him; he threatened to beat her son at age 8 (as did his disgusting mother on another occasion) and the way he looked at her middle daughter used to un-nerve me; the things he said to her were very iffy too and I don't blame her for not leaving him with them. I'd never have let him nowhere near either of them. I am still angry as you can tell, but nothing like I was to begin with; even just a year ago this rant would have gone on for 10 pages. 

I wasn't there the day she died - I'd said I would leave work and go down as I knew it was her last day, but her other friends told me not to; they said she would still be ok and I had no need to leave the shop early. They were wrong, and I got the call from her eldest (my number 1) to tell me she'd passed away on the Monday afternoon - the 2nd worst call of my life (the first being the call from my bestie to tell me that Louis had died - that can't have been an easy call for her to make and I would never have got through that time without her).  The day before she died she was sleeping most of the time so we never got to speak, but I got to spend alone time with her and I filled the silence with many words of my own; the last words she ever said to me were when I left the evening before, and she had been dozing most of the evening and I'd only had 1 or 2 words out of her, but after kissing her forehead I told her I'd see her the next day, and as I walked out the room she shouted after me "love you". 

I am so lucky though to have so many amazing memories that only happened because of her; because we were friends.  I have the most amazing young woman (she's no longer a little one) in my life thanks to her; not many women would share their children, but she allowed me to build such a bond with her first born I feel like we're so much more than Sarah and Number one. I feel as close to her as I think I would be to a child of my own if I was to have any. Sadly due to her death and the younger 2's Dad being an arse, I don't get to see the younger 2 any more (not such a bad thing with the middle one as she's definitely got a bad chip on her shoulder and issues that need to be dealt with; I'd like to have helped her but their Dads attitude (and ultimately her's now) have put paid to anyone being able to help (he still owes me money for the funeral flowers he ordered for his kids) which is a real shame. I understand why she's behaved like she has (in one way) but in another I wish I could make her sit down and see how awful her behaviour is. Just the other week a friend of hers was telling her how proud her Mum would have been of her - her friend didn't know her Mum, had never met her. I knew her Mum, I knew her inside out, and I wanted to tell her that her friend was wrong; her Mum would be gutted to see how she's turned out. She was the child her Mum had such high hopes for; she believed she was going to go far in life, that she was a beautiful child inside and out but alas she's not turned out that way. Worse than being gutted her Mum would be disappointed but how do you tell a child that when she's dealing with grief? I'd like to shake her and tell her words I know her Mum would have said, but they would do no good. She thinks the world owes her a favour and sadly until she sees how awful her behaviour has been then that's not going to happen; the worst part about it is that her attitude and her falling out with (and upsetting everyone - she's upset many of her Mum's friends with her attitude and I know my number 1 will never have anything to do with her again because of how she's behaved towards her) but all this affects her younger brother; because of her he has now lost his older sister and his Mums' friends can't see him without his sister and nobody wants to see his sister because of her behaviour. My best friend would hate to see what she'd left behind; the devastation and destruction. The very things she hated in life that have taken hold with her death. My friend was the glue that kept it all together; if she was still alive and this all happened and was going on she would be dying inside. She would hate how things have turned out. 

This wasn't meant to be a rant about things; it was meant to be about my memories. Times that were fun, and until she married vile shit features, we really did have some fun times. We should still be having those times, but life doesn't ask what we want so I have to remember the memories and keep her spirit alive by remembering, and by smiling. We did some really crazy things and got away with doing crazy things to others too. She had the best sense of humour of anyone I've ever known, and when we got together we bounced off each other. So many evenings we laughed so hard we'd be in pain, unable to see through the tears, and short of breath where the laughter was coming so hard and fast our lungs couldn't keep up. For 20 years we spent pretty much every day together and not once did we ever have an argument; how many friends can say that? She bought out the best of me and I think I allowed her to be who she really was and that's why our friendship worked so well. The fact neither of us wanted anything from the other helped. So many friendships are built around people that want something from the other; in fact a lot of my friendships are built that way. There are those that want me for cheap flowers, trips out, nights out, holidays. Everyone seems to want a piece of me for their own gains; my bestie wasn't like that. She just wanted my friendship and if we went somewhere (anywhere) it was always a 50/50 split. If I paid for the hotel, she'd pay the fuel and food. If I paid for dinner one day, she'd pay for it the next. If I drove one night, she drove the next time we went out. We had an equal friendship; I've never had that with anyone before or since. She was unconditional in every sense of the word. She wanted nothing from anyone, but would do everything for others - this was her biggest downfall and saw her treated like shit by many people she treated as (and considered) friends (those people are a rant for another day).

She promised me before she died if there was such a thing as life after death, she would come back and prove it to me (we both used to believe there was such a thing) but as yet she's not come back, she's not shown me it's real and there has been nothing that's happened that would suggest she's dropped by so my faith and belief in the spirit world has been tested - is still being tested. I still want to believe there is and that she will show me, but she's had 3 years and nothing as yet, and as much as a wind up merchant as she was, I truly believe if she could have come back because life after death is real, even she - with her humour - wouldn't have left me this long.

Tomorrow will not be a day of sadness; I will remember the crazy things we did. I will laugh at the things we found funny, and I will spend the evening with my number 1 where we will remember her Mum but we won't dwell. We will talk about our lives as they are now, because after all is said and done, we are still here. We still have life and we have to live it; that's the best way to honour my bestie's memory. Life truly does go on :)


Monday, 23 March 2015

I went to London

and bought a heat magazine; actually I didn't technically buy it, the nutty one did, because I had only just got myself the coffee I'd been gasping for, for over 2 hours and I wasn't putting that down to go into a shop for anyone :) 

We planned the trip at the beginning of the year (we have trips planned for every other month for the rest of the year, with an additional one next month for both our birthdays; we'd do something every month but sadly funds don't allow us that luxury). Originally we were going to Longleat but it turns out it closes some days and the day we wanted was one of them. Must admit after working 17 days straight (and having done way MORE overtime than I anticipated - I wasn't even aware there were quite so many hours in a day) a day off was muchly needed, although with hindsight I should possibly have just stayed in bed all day.. But then if I had I'd have missed out on a great day in our capital city, and you only live once. 

Outside the Natural History Museum with my heat magazine :) 

Now, I will admit I am not a fan of cities and London is a place I usually avoid, but I fancied visiting the Imperial War museum so to London we had to go (we never actually made it to our planned stop, so will be going back). However, that morning as I was getting ready the news channels were making a big thing out of a toxic cloud that was heading our way and they were saying only to travel to London the day we went if you absolutely have to; I contacted Nutty to see what she wanted to do (secretly hoping she would say let's go somewhere else - I know it would have meant we lost money on our train tickets but we got such a good deal it was something I was happy to forego). She said she still wanted to so off we went. 

The train going up was busy but thankfully not packed out (I guess we went at the right time) and aside from being gasping for coffee (what kind of train doesn't have a buffet car attached? More to the point what kind of train station doesn't have a coffee vending machine before you get on the train?) we had a good journey up there. 

I was pleasantly surprised at how un-crowded it was (the thing I really hate about London is people) and we were able to make our way easily across the city to the Natural History Museum (we decided to go there on our way up). Stunning building on an architectural level, but I am so glad it was free to get in because had I paid, it would definitely not have been worth the money. The fact there had to have been over 30 different schools visiting with lots of little people, didn't help and because of this half the time we literally had to ignore things to get by them or we could have been stuck in a room with hundreds of kids for hours (not really my thing).  I'm also not really that interested in Dinosaurs, and the amount of taxidermy put me off a bit - thankfully I have seen the creatures they have in there in the flesh so I passed by those displays. 


After leaving there we walked over the road to the Victoria and Albert Museum - I could have spent all day in there and still not seen it all (I never did find the photography exhibition I wanted to find on the 3rd floor). I actually walked for over 3 miles while in the building and I am sure I didn't get to see half of it :) That being free is a bonus, but I would happily have paid to visit it and I personally think they should be charging. There was so much to look at, although I will admit the amount of pots they had on the top floor was a little bit too much; there is after all only so many pots you can view in one go :) 


Again the building itself that houses the V&A is stunning; I wish now I'd taken my new camera, but I was a bit wary about wandering round London with a decent piece of kit.  I have no idea what the building was used for before so will be having a nose around google at some point to see if I can find it out; I will also definitely visit again in the future, when I have more time. 

Finally after leaving there we hopped on a bus for 2 stops, and found ourselves in Harrods - my first ever visit to the store. It's an ok place and again somewhere we didn't have long enough to spend our time in, but at the end of the day it's also just a department store and I'm not a shopper. 

We did have some fun in the Disney department (which is nowhere near big enough) and lunch in the Disney cafe (we were definitely too old for that). :)  We also had ourselves some ice-cream in the ice-cream bit which I know has a name but no idea what that is - as you can tell I pay a lot of attention to such things. I'm not really an ice-cream person but I picked out one that sounded ok; however I ate very little of it as it was really sickly, but if you like ice-cream then it would be worth a visit (if you have enough funds as it was extremely expensive for what it was).

 He got angry :)  and Darth wasn't very helpful :) 
We didn't really plan our train back very well as we were booked on the 19.09 one which meant we then had to get across London on the tube during rush hour; what an experience that was, although I will admit again it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. We'd already said if we couldn't both get on the same tube we'd meet the other end, but somehow we managed to squish our flabby bodies into a carriage; how people do that every day is beyond me. Aside from the obvious dangers of being so crammed in, it's not nice being pushed up against total strangers. People are also so bloody rude and ignorant. When we got to our stop the tiny lady in front of me wanted to get out but I could see she had a bag that was stuck so was giving her time to sort herself, as some impatient bint behind me was trying to shove me forward; needless to say the lady got her bag out safely. I understand the woman behind might have wanted to get home but she could have caused injury to the one with the bag, and for the sake of 20 seconds everyone got out safely. I think you have to be a certain breed of person to do London and I am not one of those :) The train was heaving and we were lucky to be able to find seating together as it had filled up so much; thankfully after 2 stops things thinned out and we were able to move to a better seating area.  

Had planned on eating in the pub when we got back (my car was parked up there) but by the time we got back they'd already stopped serving (earlier than usual but I guess that's because it was quite quiet in there) which was a bugger, so a packet of salt and vinegar crisps was had, and we left about 15 minutes after we arrived when we had been planning on staying for the rest of the evening. 

All in all though a good day out was had ;)

Wednesday, 25 February 2015

This could be a long one

so you might want to make yourself a cuppa and get comfy - I have a cuppa myself, but am perched on the awful wooden stool thing I have at work, so am far from comfy, but it will have to do for now. 

I am going to rant (ish). I may rant is what I should have said; what I'm really going to do is make a few observations and ask some questions (obviously I'm not expecting answers as I have no idea whether this post will be seen by anyone to begin with - so maybe I should have said I will be asking rhetorical questions). I did warn you it was going to be a long one. :)

I'm sure I've ranted about the narcissists and attention seekers that seem to be creeping into FB at an alarming rate, but just recently I've begun to notice it more among people I had never considered before. I've even perused the option that I could be one too - this blog in itself could also lend weight to me being one. However; what leads me back the other way (the way that I'm not and I'm really just some grumpy middle aged woman that likes to rant) is the fact that it doesn't bother me a single jot if nobody reads this. I don't sit and write this for anyone other than me (in fact for years I kept it private and all my posts were just drafts). All my life I've wanted to keep a diary (I know some people that write in one every night) but I've never been disciplined enough to keep one up together (or had the time) which is why I've never written the book I would dearly love to be able to write, but then blogging came along, and I realised if I was to start a blog in the way I would write a diary, I would be more inclined to spend time on it - and I do - so it's more for me to keep a track on what I've been up to, or how I've been feeling, than it is garnering attention from others. The only reason I ended up changing the settings so others could read it, is because one day I was talking about death, grieving, and how the pain never goes away, and I (in my narcissistic way) thought that maybe someone just beginning their grieving stage, feeling at their lowest, could possibly come across what I had to say, and they would be able to see that it does get easier (it never gets better) but you do reach a stage eventually where you are able to laugh again; to live again. I know when I reached my lowest point with my Dad (he laid the foundations for everyone that has followed) actually speaking to someone that had been through the various stages, helped me to deal with certain stages when they arrived. I never knew about the anger at the person that had died - had I known when I was going through it, that it was all part of one of the stages of grief, I may have not had such guilty thoughts and feelings for being so angry. 

Anyway; I'm not really here for that (I just wanted to see if I was an attention seeking narcissist or not and I don't think I am - your opinion may differ). 

What's got me on one this morning (and for the past few weeks) is attention seeking from others - or more their ignorance (yeah; I think that's what pisses me off more - ignorance). 

I'm one of those people that will share a lot on fb (no; really, I do :) ) - I find it's a great way to keep in touch with people, and to catch up with those you may have lost touch with; I do have my phone connected to it most of the time, and I log on when I get to work. Not because I want the world to see I'm there, but because some days I can spend 10 or more hours in the shop on my own; having fb logged on gives me the feeling that I'm not totally alone - there is life inside the computer I can access at any time if the solitude at work is too much.  It's an odd kind of place though, where I've certainly got to see people in a different way to how I thought they were. People I've known for years appear at times more angry, sad, pathetic or downright ignorant than I ever thought they were, or have experienced them in the real world. I post random stuff on my account - some of it gets responses; some of it doesn't, but one thing I have never, and will never do is post something just looking for attention. If I want interaction with people I'll either send them a private message or respond to something they've posted. This is where the really annoying (piss me off) side of fb and people come into play. I have some friends that will deliberately post things they know are going to wind people up the wrong way (religion and politics being particular faves of some). To be that desperate for attention when you have a family and big network of friends I find quite sad, and in a way I feel an odd sympathy for those that do, but at the same time I want to shake them and tell them if their life is that bad then change it. 

Then there are those that have a crush on (or blatantly fancy someone on their fb) and will put up status posts related to that, in the hope the person will see it, realise it's directed at them and they'll fall madly in love and live happily ever after. WTF is that all about? To the person who's not on the receiving end, it's reads like desperation and is reminiscent of kids in the playground. As a grown up (adult) if you like someone, get off your arse and tell them. Don't play the cryptic route and then whine to friends that you seem to be getting nowhere, or that the person you like obviously doesn't like you. They may not even know your status is about them. If the amount of death that's surrounded me from people close to me that have died so young, has taught me anything, it's that you can't sit back and wait for life to come to you. At the end of the day, the worst thing that can happen is the person you desire doesn't look at you that way. If they are a decent person (or good friend to begin with) they will continue to be so and in time you will both laugh about it; if they're not and they get shitty about it, or start to blank you, then know what a lucky escape you've had because they're an obvious twat and move on; either way at least you'll know and won't waste a year or 2 of your life wondering, and then being gutted, if they meet someone and move on with their life. 

Now the cryptic's (I actually got told by a friend once that I had been posting quite cryptic status updates - when I asked the friend why they hadn't posted at the time on the status to let me know it was (at which point I could have answered what it was all about - I really am that honest and transparent) so we could have moved on, they said they just thought I was messing about, but there are those that will post cryptic's and ignore all comments and questions from people; they really piss me off. If you don't want to answer people, don't post the bloody status in the first place. That is total attention seeking; ooh look at me, I'm going to get you to notice me, but once you do, I'll ignore you. If you don't want to share what's going on, then don't post anything. It really is pathetic - although not as bad as those that will reply to a cryptic comment question with the words "I'll PM you". FFS - I'd expect that of a child (maybe) but an adult? Again if you only want certain people to see select things, only share with those people. Don't share with everyone - unless of course you are seeking people's attention, at which point you become pathetic. I recently saw on my news feed someone posted about looking forward to going out that evening; half an hour later when it got no response they posted about how they were looking forward to going out and having a catch up. An hour later another post showed they were already out; that evening when they got back the next post was along the lines of "oh my; I wasn't expecting that". This was the post that finally got a response, with someone saying "ooh do share". There never was any sharing and the next day another status similar was posted. That is just so sad and ignorant as can be. 

I think I've said before (I am getting on a bit so often repeat myself) but I have my fb set up so I can share with who I want; there are some things I'll share on there that I don't want my Mum or older relations to see (not because I'm keeping things hidden, but because I couldn't be doing with the 20 questions that will follow). There are grown up style status updates I may not want the kids to see (especially if I've used bad language - rare, but it happens) so they will be stopped from seeing such updates. As much as I can be an open book about things, I can also be very private and I choose what I share on fb and who I share it with, just as I choose who I share what with in real life (I know fb is real - sometimes - but you know what I mean?) Yes I share photo's of places I'm out and about with friends, and I'll tag myself at places with people (sometimes just so a certain group of people that know me don't get on at me to get out more, because they think I spend all my time at home watching tv or reading books - they think that because I don't share my life with them, no matter how much they think I do, or how well they think they know me - and believe me some of them think they know the whole, real me, when they haven't got a clue). I keep a lot of my life private and share with only select people. I can guarantee over 90% of people have no idea I had an odd 6 year part-time relationship with a guy in Andover, that only really ended about 18 months ago. When friends were telling me I needed to get out more, they didn't know I wasn't even at home. I'd laugh some mornings when I could see some status updates, with friends complaining about the traffic they were stuck in on their 4 or 5 mile journey to work; I could have been sat on the A303, or A34 for over an hour, worrying about whether I was going to make it to the shop in time to open up, and they had no clue (mind you I did try to stick to Friday and Saturday nights only if I was staying over), so while I'm being told I live my life over fb and people always know what I'm up to, they actually have no clue what I'm really doing - they only know what I want to share; however, I won't share unless I am willing to commit to that share 100% which is why it pisses me off when people play cryptic.

My last rant (this hasn't turned out to be quite as long as I thought it would, although there is still time for it too) is the ignorants that don't like it when people act the same way to them. The worst thing about a lot of messaging services these days, is that they will show you when someone has read the message that's been sent to them. This is the biggest piss me off thing going. Sometimes I will get a message and I'm at work; I may be busy, but not enough that I can't stop to read the message that's come through. in case it might be important or urgent (yes I know a phone call would signify urgent, but some of my friends may not have enough credit to call, but can access their messaging services without it affecting their phone balance). If I read it and it's not something that needs an immediate response I will pop it to the "to-do" list, once I have finished all my work jobs. I never fail to reply, but don't always do it immediately. I expect my friends if they don't reply to a message I send straight away don't do so because they've glanced, seen it's not important and will respond later. However; those same people that don't respond to me straight away, still expect me to do so to them the second I read the message. I've had it before where I've not replied so 15-30 minutes later another message has been sent asking if I received the message ok (they know I have because their service tells them I have). Luckily if I can see it's from the same person I don't bother to open and will read the 2nd message when I'm ready to respond to the first; in doing this though I've then had a whatsapp message bleep on my phone, from the same person asking if I got the 2 earlier messages on fb from them? In opening the whatsapp, they can then see I've read it, so if that's not replied to it's followed up with a text asking me why I'm ignoring them - I'm not; I'm just trying to run a business. These very same people are the ones that will read my message, and not reply (I have no problem with that) but what does piss me off is that will then spend the next 8 hours posting crap all over fb, and when they finally do reply they'll come out with some crap like "sorry I didn't reply earlier; I've been so busy I didn't have time to stop". NEVER lie to me; just tell me you didn't think it was urgent so got on with sharing your crap first. I can't stand people that lie when it's obvious they are lying. 

I can't even begin to tell you what I think of those that get on their fb and share the status "I'm deleting my account after today for personal reasons" and who then either don't delete it after everyone has sent them comments asking why or not too (these are never responded to from the status poster) or a week later they will re-activate their account and their first status back will be "I'm back; did you miss me?" Nope - didn't even notice you had gone you attention seeking twat. 

Will I share this post? No idea until I go to close it down (google does share it to my g+ page the minute I hit publish though, which is another thing that pee's me off because I then have to log that page on to delete the post, if I don't want everyone to read it and only want to share with a select few).  I probably will share it, but not because I'm looking for attention; more for those that might see a part of themselves in it and realise their actions at times do affect others - mind you I guess a proper attention seeker or narcissist would never see themselves as one of the people I've ranted about to begin with, so therefore I once again make myself look like one - maybe I really am after all. 



Thursday, 12 February 2015

whoah.. eeeeee.. arrrgghhhh

ooooff.. THUD.. s*%t, f(@k, Boll(£ks..  yep; that's pretty much how my morning went yesterday. 

It started with me being rudely awakened (by the alarm clock of all things; can't remember the last time that woke me up - I'm normally wide awake hours before it goes off). I was in the middle of a wonderful dream (you know the ones you really don't want to wake up from?).  Completely thrown (and still wanting - and feeling like I wanted - to be in bed) I wandered round in some weird daze-like state. Thankfully by the time I got to work I was fully alert and ready to start what was to be the beginning of a very busy few days; had I known yesterday what I know now I really would have stayed in bed :) 

Getting to the shop I saw that my lovely assistant (I've got to say she's lovely in case she ever reads this) had changed the window display for me after I went home Tuesday afternoon (I had asked her to do so but also knew she'd been really busy so wasn't expecting it to be changed. There were a couple of bits in there though that I thought needed not to be, so I got the steps we have (it's a stool thing with some steps on it) climbed the steps and balanced one leg on the top of it (which is wide enough to use as a seat if you so wish) and the other I placed on the window's base so I could reach to do what I wanted. The bottom of my lowest foot was 3ft off the ground - this is relevant.  Having completed the window challenge I stepped back the foot that was in the window, onto the top of the stool - or that was the plan. What I actually did was step to the side, missing the top of the stool all together. 

It all seemed to happen in slow motion; the leg that missed it's spot flailed wildly still hoping that it would make it to the stool top - the brain couldn't register that it had already missed it's spot.  As the brain kicked in my arms did some kind of weird windmill motion (I can only assume I was trying to fly so I didn't hit the floor as hard as I knew I was going to - from a distance of 3-4ft and with my weight I'm sure you can imagine how hard I hit the ground). In waving my arms, I managed to catch some vases, so by the time I did hit the floor (and I hit it hard I can tell you) there was also broken vases, flowers and about an inch of water waiting for me too. My arms never made it to the floor before me to help break my fall, so when I landed I did so with a THUD. Thank goodness my arse is so well padded, because that definitely distributed me nicely over a bigger area (had I not had so much I think I would have really hurt myself - well, hurt more than I did). The worst part was the water - aside from feeling stupid, feeling the bruising begin almost immediately, throbbing everywhere from my thighs to me neck (it's actually my neck - where I jarred when I it the deck - and right arm that hurt more today than my back - I think my arse is going to throb for weeks).  It took me about a minute before I found the energy to lift myself up, and it was at this point I fully registered that I was sitting in water (my trousers from top to bottom were sopping). Luckily I was in leggings and they dried quickly - had I been in jeans I may have had to ring my Mum to get me so dry clothes and then bring them up to the shop for me. 

I wasted half an hour mopping the floor (time I needed) then went out the back to clean the mop bucket out, and as I turned round to put it on the floor, a pile of boxes fell on top of me - I'm so glad they were empties waiting to go back to the wholesaler. 

Hoping that was my lot for the day, I was gutted when I spoke to the wholesalers who couldn't get all my order to me in time (half my order was still in Holland) and the bits I really needed weren't the bits I got (that added to my time issues - I was already behind after my acrobatics) so things were a bit tense for a while, but I had no choice to not carry on. Opening a wrap of white roses I managed to get a thorn stuck in my finger but rather than pull out, it kept me stuck to the rose itself and the only way I could free myself was to rip it from me (this then left a bleeding jagged split in my finger). At this point I wanted to give up and go home, but I had no choice to soldier on, and I was glad that nothing else happened for the rest of the day - well nothing as bad as earlier. 

I did have a vase jump off a shelf as I walked by that hit me - there was someone in the shop at the time who could't believe that I was nowhere near it when it got me (I think it was something to do with the builders next door). 

By the time I finally got home I was exhausted and hurting a lot more than I thought I should be.  However, even after all that, what hurt more was the fact that not one of my friends bothered to ask if I was ok (fb friends, other florists and customers all checked in on me - even a guy that I follow and who follows me on twitter) but friends? Not one, and they can't use the excuse they didn't know because I put it on my fb (twice) and the shops fb, and they were on and off line all day sharing their own stuff (and a couple were doing their drama llama, woe is me crap looking for sympathy from everyone - they got none from me :) .

Wednesday, 4 February 2015

Why do all

crazy woman moments happen in the early hours of the morning? (normally around the 3am mark in my world).

Now before I go on, I know sometimes my little brother (who is really not little any more and towers over me by a foot) will often read my waffling on here (think he's trying to work out at what point he finally needs to have me committed - I won't go down without a fight though) so brothery dear if you are reading you might want to look away now and come back another day - your big sistery is about to talk about men lusting after her and you don't need to be having those images in your head.. hahaha - "too late" he cries.. they're now already there :) I am such a great big sister... Mind you; at the time of writing this he is waiting for a train to take him to the airport where a 40 minute flight and some more travel await him, so he may miss when I share :) - just spoken to him and his flight is delayed by an hour :)

So; back to my waffle - that really is not interesting and is just a way for me to make myself look like a din in public :)   What awakened me I do not know (although the older I get the weaker the bladder gets - that wasn't the reason last night but I think my body is so used to having to wake in the night, it wouldn't have felt right if it hadn't). Having given up counting sheep - my room just isn't big enough to keep them all in - although I should have thought about it better; I could have counted fish - of those I have hundreds - as I lay there trying to ignore all the noises round and about (the cat wailing, dog howling, floorboards creaking - all those delightful sounds) so I could clear my mind hoping sleep would return, when suddenly a message a friend sent me earlier popped into my head (it actually hit me smack bang between the eyes, in big, bold, red writing) and sleep was to be no more, as the tiny little pea brain went into some crazy overload. 

Yesterday I'd posted on my fb about how I had walked to work (I left early so I could avoid those awful school children creatures - although I did encounter 5 with absolutely massive snow balls).. that was the reason I walked; I woke up to snow :) - when you get to the bottom of this page you will know that with the snow and what has happened to me since I started this blog entry, the last 2 days have been totally AMAZING so far - but for now back to snow. There it was, all lush and white on the pavements, trees, fields and my car, so I decided to dig out my coat and winter woollies and take a stroll (normally I bring the car in case I have to nip out and do a delivery but I had no intentions of driving in the snow so used it to my advantage). Anyway (I keep getting distracted; if you're keeping up with me you're doing really well because I have no idea where I am right now) I mentioned on my status about what a gorgeous walk it was (when the 5 school children creatures had found another route) and how lovely the trees were and I wished I had a camera with me, and a friend of mine (someone I grew up with but who I haven't seen for years) asked if I was still living in the same place. Of course I am... I think I'll still be there when I'm 90 (unless I meet a millionaire of course; but then do I really want someone with that much money? There's no challenges when you can afford everything you want) so I just replied that I was. That's what the 3am monster latched on to... 

That monster; the 3am one, suddenly decided that she had asked me if I was still living there, because someone had asked her where I was living these days. That someone being my first ever love (yes I know I mention him a lot, but he really was *the one*.. hahaha.. well the one until someone better comes along :)  She is still friends with him, so the 3am monster (I'm going to name him Greg - that sounds like a perfectly good monster name to me) decided she was asking me on his behalf. Greg told me that his perfect wife had left him, and he wanted to get in touch with me again because he'd always been in love with me.. hahahaha.. you've gotta love Greg when he sneaks in at silly o'clock. Greg also said he was willing to move back to the UK (he lives abroad now and has done for years) because he wants me still.. hahahahaha.. I did warn you I was a bit crazy :) He also wanted my address so he could send me a Valentines Card (this one then got totally thrown to one side because everyone that knows me (and he knew me really well) knows that I despise everything Valentines related and he would never send me a card because of that). I have a friend who is doing an anti-valentines which to me is even worse because they're falling into the whole valentines crap, but thinking they are rebelling against it. It's quite ironic really to spend as much time and effort on going anti when they could just waste their money on the normal day and be done with it - I for one won't be doing either; normal valentines or anti - the whole thing is a load of claptrap nonsense. If someone likes me enough to want to buy me flowers and send me a nice card, they can bloody well do it on a day when nobody else is; talk about sheep following the herd. Greg just wouldn't give up though and lead me from my first love (who Greg was still trying to convince me wanted me back - and no I wouldn't have been seconds to his wife (who I am sure is lovely and so I am sorry for thinking of her husband in such a way) because I was his first, so could never be a second) to the 2 other men I would have difficulty choosing between at the moment. Yes; I do have a bit of a thing for 2 who are totally different to each other, but really very similar at the same time. If either of them (one is married so he's a no go anyway; the other is single) were ever to have some kind of breakdown and decide I was the one to put a smile on their face, I would seriously struggle to know which one to choose; alas neither will step up to the plate so I won't ever have to decide.. but one day.... one day.. :) :)

One of my male friends is right; I really do need to get out more - although he didn't say that.. but I am sure you're intelligent enough to get his meaning? :) 

If you've stuck with me through all the above crap then congratulations, because now comes the best bit; the most exciting bit.  Today Ugly Kid Joe released some tour dates for this year (I had a feeling they would) so me and the nutty one have only gone and booked ourselves not 1.. not 2.. but 3 (yes that's 3 - and if they do any other closer we may do more) gigs.. 2 of those we have gone VIP on - it means we'll end up with 4 signed albums between the 2 of us and they can claim us as stalkers, but who cares?? .. I am dancing me a mighty happy jig right now I can tell you. I knew 2015 was going to be one amazing year; so far it's really not let me down :) :) I literally am bouncing off the wall; 3 gigs.. Three? I've been happy in the past with 1 (that's because that was all I could afford) but THREE?? OMG I think I might smile for the rest of the year.. I definitely won't eat for the rest of the year. I remember my last photo with the man.. I am NOT looking like that this year.. :)




Friday, 23 January 2015

I am loving

2015. I knew it was going to be a good one before it started, but I never in a million years (not that I've been around for a million years - such an odd saying really) thought that it would start as well as it has. I can honestly say it's all quite mightily marvellous. 

Work has just been amazing since I came back after the festive season; never known a January like it, and there are still 8 days of this month remaining (where has the time gone?) and already there is enough money to cover ALL the bills including a big chunk being paid back to Clive - that's now 4 months on the trot I've been able to pay him some (this months being the biggest chunk so far). This makes me muchly happy - I might even get him paid back before 2025 at this rate :) 

Obviously the year started the right way with the trip to the pub (where we ended up last night too - it's like a magnet to us :0) I think we were most welcome too - partly because we doubled the amount of patrons - it was wee bit quiet in there, but also because we are so fab and they love us in there.. hahahaha.. if any of them ever read that bit I may not be allowed to live it down :)  :) I also gained a potential new customer (2 more people came in for an hour then left, but they trebled the patronage :) ) which can never be a bad thing. It's a great little (actually it's quite big) place if and if you're ever passing by, you should definitely pop in. 

Prior to our visit there, we (that's me and the nutty one of course - she's the only fool brave enough to go out to play with me) both took the day off and went out to play for the day. We were actually really well behaved yesterday and didn't attract a single weirdo (James doesn't count last night because we attracted him years ago - you know we're right too Mister if you're reading this... hahahahaha). In fact, we ourselves were very quiet and caught up in taking in absorbing our surroundings, but that doesn't mean we didn't have a fab day.  

It all went a bit tits up and pear shaped to begin with when as I was sat having a cuppa in the morning, thinking about washing my hair, putting a face on and working out how much time I needed to de-frost the car (I'm also loving this wonderful cold weather that we've got) check my oil and water levels, before heading to the petrol station to fuel up and check my tyres. Mum was sat in her pj's watching tv, when there was a bang, bang, bang on the front door. One of things I love about my Mum when someone knocks on the door is how she'll look at me and ask "who's that?" like I have some kind of xray vision and can see through 2 walls and curtains :) Turns out it was the BT engineer to look at our broken (for the umpteenth time) phone line. When I booked the engineer the one thing I stipulated was that Thursday was the only day we weren't free, and yet there he was, just before 8am on a Thursday morning knocking on my door. When I told him we'd booked for Friday afternoon he told me he either did it yesterday or we'd have to phone and re-book - having spent over an hour on the phone to book him in the first place, there was no way I was turning him away. By the time I finally had to leave, my hair still needed washing and there wasn't a single flicker of anything on my face - I went out blotchy and red. Thankfully the trip to the garage and car de-frost didn't take too long, but I never fueled at the place I did my tyres (it was too busy to wait) so decided to do so nearer to the nutty ones abode. What a mistake this was to be as I got stuck behind a pallet lorry who also decided to use the same petrol station, however, thanks to some woman in a BMW (they are actually worse than men in beemers) the lorry stopped half on the forecourt, and half on the road. This action by him meant I was blocking the lane for cars to get by and for some reason the dick behind me seemed to think it was my fault (he was in a merc so you can imagine what kind of dick he was) and started to lean on his horn to get me to move (I had nowhere to move except give up on the idea of fuel and carry on to the nutty one). After his 3rd toot I got out the car to have a quiet word (he literally went as white as a sheet and suddenly didn't want to lean on his horn any more). While out of the car I then made my way to the lorry driver, who had plenty of room to move forward or onto a pump. A little altercation passed  between us, but he backed down before I did and moved so I was finally able to fuel. At this point I thought maybe someone was trying to stop me going out to play. 

The plan before I left home had been to look at a map to work out my route for getting to Avebury (we went to see the neolithic rings don't you know?) but due to the BT man unplugging everything so I had no internet, and just causing delays this didn't happen, but I knew I could go via Salisbury or Andover and head north, or go up to Newbury and head west; I chose Newbury on the way and Salisbury to come back. However a wrong turn in Marlborough saw us log on to a phone sat nav, who was doing great until she told us in 600ft to turn left on the roundabout - she then told us in 100ft, 1000ft, quarter of a mile and half a mile to do the same thing without pausing for breath. As the left turn on the next roundabout we got to only lead to an industrial estate, we assumed this was a new one and not the one she meant, so we continued straight until we found the next one - the next one never materialised and poor sat nav lady pretty much lost the plot - we had to fire her.  Finally 35 miles from our destination (we'd been less than 3 when we took the wrong turn) we were able to load a map and find our way back to where we needed to be. 

While the mighty big pieces of rock were quite phenomenal (the one with the face of the devil really caught our eye) I will admit being able to walk through the field of sheepies was much more up my street :) I was able to get close enough to one to get a great photo but after 30 attempts at shots to get him to look at me resigned myself to the fact I was only going to get a side view :) I could have moved or got closer but didn't want to frighten him. The stones though were amazing and there were a lot of photo's taken - my brother had lent me his camera which made me feel like a female David Bailey and I kept trying to take arty shots, while the nutty used my little point and shoot - she spent ages photographing one stone from every angle. I've had a quick look through them and posted my favourite below, but am looking forward to sorting them out over the weekend and having a proper look - especially as I borrowed my brother's camera to help me decide whether to invest in a decent one of my own (I believe I have decided to do so).

I wish I could take credit for this but other than the fact she was using my camera, this shot was taken by the Nutty one :) 

After leaving the rings at Avebury, we drove round to Silbury Hill and the longbarrow (we wandered to the mount) but it was starting to get darker by the time we got to the longbarrow, so we've decided to go back at a later date to explore that. Before making our way homeward (pubward really) we came across a place called Woodhenge - neither of us had ever heard of it before - that's just to the north of Stonehenge. These days the wooden poles that had been there originally have been replaced by concrete ones, but it was a lovely little spot to stop at and watch the sun go down. 

From there we headed to the pub which is where I started this blog entry, so this seems like a good place to end it :0)  Ooh; forgot to mention after I got home last night (which was late) I had a message from an old "friend" that I've not seen or heard from in over 2 years - the weirdest part is that we had practically driven by where he used to live when we got lost so I'd been talking about him during the day.  Also, the amount of tanks (which includes the men in uniform driving them we saw most definitely helped keep a smile on my face). Add to that some other news I heard yesterday (that I've wanted to hear for a while) and I can honestly say yesterday was a really great day :)