holiday I had; but what a massive come down I've been on ever since.
I've heard people talk about *holiday blues* before and remembered how hard getting up for work the first morning back can be, but until I got back Friday evening I had never experienced the blues personally. Don't get me wrong on the last day of a holiday I'd be all like "ahh bugger; it's over" but the thought of going home didn't fill me with dread, and once back I'd just fall back into *normal* life without any issues, but I am still (almost a week later) finding *normal* so hard to do. I then get annoyed at myself because of A) how lucky I was to be able to go overseas in the first place, and B) because I had such an amazing time (I think possibly the best 2 weeks of my life) that being all down since getting back is negating the whole trip, and I should be on a high from all I got to see and experience.
I think the hardest thing is fitting back in with people and that's what I am really struggling with. For 17 days it was all about me; I never had to think about anything or anyone (other than what to have for my dinner, and whether I should make the effort to walk to the breakfast room to start the day with food). Everything else was taken care of. I got up, showered, made myself a pot tea, put a face on, dried and straightened my hair, popped my case outside my door, dressed and left my room. I got told where to sit on the coach; I got off the coach when told and back on again at the desired time. When off I was free to do what I wanted and go where I wanted. I never once had to think about anyone else - about what they wanted to see or where they wanted to go, and nobody else had to think about me. Each stop got me talking to someone different; some of those were people travelling on our coach, some of those people worked at the places we stayed; some were from other countries visiting and some were from the USA themselves, seeing parts of their own country they'd not seen before. It was great to hear so many stories, and get so many different perspectives on life. When I wanted some Sarah time on the coach I just had to pop my ear buds in, whack up the music and I was left to my own devices (my coach/dinner/travel buddies - now really good friends - were/are the greatest people and made me laugh so hard at times I nearly wet myself and on several occasions ended up with coffee (and at one point wasted a perfectly good mouthful of wine) down myself). 2 nights I didn't want to go out to eat (I just couldn't be arsed to leave my room) and my buddies accepted that without question; there was no "oh go on come with us" or "well we won't go out and will stay here with you instead then" from any of them. It was just a case of "okey dokey, see you in the morning" and I got to shut my door and do my own thing. One night we had a picnic and I had tea (proper English PG Tips (I'd have preferred Yorkshire, but they were a good enough substitute) that I found in a Walmart) so when it started to rain I invited everyone up to my room to finish off the food and wine (omg there was so much wine) which I then followed up with a cuppa for everyone. It's been so long since I was able to invite someone back to mine (ok it wasn't my place but you get the gist). It felt really good though to have that freedom, and that is what I am struggling with now I am back.
It's also been quite intense as well since I got back. I got home to find Mum has done her back in; the home phone isn't working but in order to get it sorted BT need to get to a box that has the fish tank unit in front of it, so I need to empty a tank and find somewhere else to move it to which takes time. Someone I care about (so much) has also had some devastating news and there's nothing I can do that will help, which I find so frustrating. The Grandfather has also found out I've been away (I've kept it from him for over 18 months) so that has to be dealt with and handled carefully. Silly little things that need sorting and wouldn't normally be an issue, but their timing is crap and I could have done without them, and they are silly little things that I need to get used to again. I will get used to them and the whole life thing again, but they are taking me a bit more time to re-adjust to than I thought they would, and while they do I know I am being snappy with people which is not a nice thing to do, which makes me even more annoyed at myself.
As for work; when the first words uttered to me just before 8am on Monday morning were "you're back? You weren't missed at all and Becky did such an amazing job you're not needed any more" I don't know how I didn't turn back around and go home again. When it was said to me again an hour into the morning, I offered to hand over my keys, sign over my shares in the shop and walk away. This was taken lightly and laughed at, as I would have expected. On Tuesday (when I was told it again in front of other people) and I repeated my offer to hand over my keys, sign away my shares and walk away, I think it was taken a bit more seriously, and me not being needed/wanted hasn't been mentioned since. I am sure it was meant in a jokey way, but some people just aren't as funny as they think they are, and I wasn't in the mood for such sarcasm. I will admit I impressed myself that I didn't walk away, because at that point I would have happily used up the last of my overdraft, taken out the credit card with a massive amount of credit limit on I have that I don't use, and bought myself a one way ticket back to the States where I would have phoned a cousin and said "Help; I have nowhere to go" :)
I loved every single second of my trip; from the moment I arrived at Heathrow, until the split second I loaded myself onto the coach for the very last time (which was taking us to the airport). Yes there was one 3 hour period when things didn't run as smoothly as they could have (I will be sharing the diary I kept while I was away on this blog so won't go into detail about that right now) and our last 24 hours in Las Vegas were a bit of a nightmare (that was down to our tour rep) and on the last day there was one woman I could have happily punched in the side of the head, but even those moments/times weren't bad enough to have ruined anything. It was almost perfect - had the curtains in my rooms met I could have tagged the whole experience perfect :) I'm already working on whether to get an evening job so I can earn some more pennies that I can save up, so I can go back sooner rather than later :)
So you see I kind of have the blues, but I'm not sure they are really *holiday blues*. I think they are just Sarah blues - because even I am a realist and know that living in a country is far different to visiting - and I'm missing the quiet Sarah times; it's been pretty full on and intense since I got back. I'm sure once life settles down again and pans back to how it was before I shall be on top of the world and back to my usual (pre-holiday) self. Besides I have many things to be looking forward to (I hope) starting this Saturday (but I shall share that with you all later) :)
Ooh; one last thing that I thought - and found - quite odd. Before I went away I was told that some of my fb status updates are very cryptic. This was told to me by someone that is NOT a friend on my FB. When I queried it I was told "well no a friend we share told me" so if one of you that is on my FB list is sharing my updates with someone that's not and think I have been cryptic, then grow some balls (or boobies) and ask what the update is about before you go tittle tattling about me. Sad fecker.