I feeeeeeeeel good... actually, I feeeeeeel GREAT (more Tony the Tiger than Mr Brown). Even better than that.. I feeeeeeeeel AMAZING.. I really do. The reason for this amazingness, is not just my 6.5lb weight loss. but also I slept on Saturday night for 6 hours straight. That NEVER happens to me (yes the shouting was needed to get my point across then :) ). Alas last night was back to normal so I do feel a bit tired but still amazing, and while the weight loss was really good, it's still less than I'd normally lose on a first week, but this time round I want to lose it slower; I think part of my problem of not sticking to things before is because I've lost so much in such a short space of time, that I then think it won't matter to be bad once or twice (that takeaway won't hurt, or the bottle of wine turns into 2 or 3 and before I know what's happening I'm back where I started). This time it is for life (yes I do have a weekend away planned where there will be bacon sandwiches for breakfast, but I know that in advance and can plan for it so I am prepared). Someone said to me this morning "but you've been in this position so many times before" (relating to the weight loss you pervs :) ) and it's true, I have, and each time I say it's different, and each time I mean it when I say it, but this time I don't feel like I'm on a diet; I'm not restricting anything, I can eat what I want, when I want. Some foods are completely unlimited which means I can eat as much or as little of those as I choose and I think that is a psychological thing, because I know I can eat so much, I make the choice not to :) I'm not doing this for anyone else, not because I've been told to, because someone has made me feel worthless as a fat person, or because I want to find myself a man. I'm doing this because I want to, and when I wanted to stop biting my nails I succeeded, and when I wanted to give up smoking I gave up, so maybe, just maybe, this time it really will be different :) I want to buy the red dress I've always promised myself - just because I don't have anyone to take me anywhere in it doesn't mean I can't get myself small enough to fit into it and maybe that makes a difference too. Before I'd think that there was no point because there was nobody to take me out wearing it; now I know that doesn't really matter. It's not about anyone else; it's all about me.
Another thing I'm doing differently this time round, is drinking water. I always hear about how we should drink more, but have never really enjoyed it; until now. Sometimes to make a slight change I'll stick it in the sodastream and give it a bit of fizz, other's I'll add a splash of sugar free summer fruits squash (the robinson's one is delicious) but mostly I drink it just as it is (after it's been in the fridge a while; warm water or straight from the tap is minging). I even downloaded an app to my phone to make sure I drink enough each day to keep me hydrated, and when I can see I've not had enough I am choosing to swap a cup of tea or coffee, for a glass of water. I've NEVER (shouting needed) done that before. I used to worry it would make me pee more, but I've learned that it doesn't; however, when I do pee, I can pee for England, but at least that means my kidneys are working well :) I've also noticed it's making a difference to my skin; now if I could just sort out my dry, almost blurry eyes, then I'll be well on my way to being sorted :)
I'm off to the docs tomorrow for part 2 of my mot check ups - this one involves blood tests, and I know they are going to comment on my weight, and tell me I've most likely got diabetes and high blood pressure because I'm a fat bint, like they usually do, and maybe they're right this time but I'm hoping they're not, and I know by making the changes that I am making, and by losing the weight those chances will diminish; as will the likelihood of me dying young, and if I'm totally honest that is the thing spurring me on more than anything. Yes it would be nice to finally find someone that thinks me attractive (I really will need to lose quite a bit before that happens) but that's not the reason for doing this. Aside from the red dress (which I really have promised myself for the past 20 years) I really do want to live as long as I possibly can; there are still so many things I want to do with my life, that to pop my clogs early would really piss me off, so anything I can do to help prevent that, I am going to try my hardest; I'm lucky I've made it this far really, but I'd love to make it a whole lot further if I can :)
I know realistically it is going to take me until this time next year to get to the target weight I have set myself, but even each ounce lost over that time is going to help take some of the pressure off. I know it's not going to be easy (alcohol being the hardest part as that really does pack some cals) but I've quit so much else in life, that this really should be a walk in the part; especially as I don't actually have to quit anything; I just need to keep a check on it and limit my intake :)