Thursday, 18 December 2014

It turns out

I might have agreed to dress up as an Elf when I go to the pub on Christmas Eve - I know; me in a pub :)  It was while there last night (for a meal with a friend and friends of my friend; not for drinking) that we got chatting to the lovely barmaid that works there (the landlord was busy in the kitchens all night, but he did pop out to see me briefly before my dinner colleagues arrived - he had to have his Sarah fix.. hahaha) and I happened to mention I was dressing up at work that day, and one thing lead to another which ended up with me agreeing to dress up - I do have a cunning plan though. I am going to hang some mistletoe from my hat; I reckon that should get me a few christmas kisses and make up for those that might enjoy taking the piss :) Also, free drinks were mentioned if I do, so it's got to be worth it for that reason too:) Mind you I'm driving so they'll only be soft drinks; maybe I should wait until New Years Eve when I'm not driving :) Goodness that will be 3 Wednesdays in a row I'll have visited the place; we'll have to go somewhere else for a while as we've now more than made it up to him for not going over there for a couple of months.

I also went out on Tuesday night this week too; I know.. 2 nights in one week. 1 day immediately after the other. What's going on in the world? No wonder I don't have a clue what day of the week it is today (I got even more confused when Becky arrived an hour early this morning too). It was for a good cause though, as Becky's Dad does a lot for brain cancer research and had organised a quiz to raise some money. I managed to talk Chris into coming (thankfully he didn't really take any persuading) and we only managed to get my oldest, closest friend (his brother in law) to come with us. First time I've been out on an evening with him since before he got married over 10 years ago, yet when we were younger we used to see each other all the time, so aside from it being a good night out to raise money for a worthy cause, it was also a great night for me on a personal level. I was out with the boys - who are now well on their way to being middle-aged men :) We should have called our team Bookays Bitches.. hahahaha. 

Originally I was driving, but Dave had a job interview yesterday morning so offered to pick me up, which meant I was able to have a vodka (or 2.... 3... :) ) I did tell Chris when he went to the bar I wanted Coca Cola but he chose to ignore me; I ended up having to walk to work yesterday as there was no way I would have been legal to drive anywhere. Not only was the company great, but we only went and won the quiz as well (ooh; I also won in the raffle the very prize I'd donated.. hahaha). We wouldn't have done if we'd not checked the marking of the team checking our answer, because they'd not given us our bonus points in one round, and had only given us half on another, but we put it right and were victors, and I don't mind admitting it felt good (of course it really is only ever about the taking part and raising money, but it still felt good to be on the winning team).

Have to admit I could get quite used to this social life stuff - if only I had the money to keep it up and do it more often, but I shall enjoy the nights out I can and make the most of them. 

Monday, 15 December 2014

At last

I finally found a genuinely good thing for *tropical moments* - sounds so much nicer than hot flush, hot flash or night sweats I think :) 

On Saturday night there was a meteor shower (which was amazing if you didn't get to see it; I've never so so many in such quick succession, and it was the first time in years that it's not been cloudy or rainy - one year it snowed on us while we were out hoping to see them) it happens every year and is the Geminids for those of you that don't know anything about it. Normally it's cold on the night (this year being no exception) so I make sure I have plenty of woolly things to keep me warm - I've been known to wrap myself up in a sleeping bag with jumpers, thick socks, cardi's, coats, scarves, gloves and hats. Sitting in zero - or below - temperatures for hours on end you need all the warmth you can get, as well as making sure there's plenty of hot coffee to drink, and a comfy chair to sit in - I use a sun-lounger so I can lay back and cover more sky). This year though was very different. As I went to go into the garden just before 11.30pm I realised I was having one of those tropical moments, and for several hours I found myself sat outside in just a t-shirt with a cardigan to cover my shoulders - the temperature was minus 1 when I went out, and minus 4 when I came back indoors. I never put a coat/hat or scarf on the whole time I was out there - I did however pull the collar of my cardigan up over my nose to stop that freezing and breaking off. It would appear the internal body temperatures I was experiencing definitely had their use that night; sadly last night when I was in a warm bed I could have done without them, but the cat and dog were most grateful to have the quilt to themselves, as there was no way I needed to share it with them :) 

Of course just that one night a year doesn't really make up for the bloody *moments* really, but I'll take what I can get, and I've been told in a couple of years time they may finally stop happening - I may well have melted into a big puddle of fat and blubber by then, but it's better than nothing; I guess!






Monday, 8 December 2014


I have no idea what happens when the nutty one and I get together, but I truly do enter some kind of weird alternate reality - and I quite like and enjoy it while I am there :) 

After a particularly crappy day at work, I was looking forward to a quiet catch up with her (I should have known better) and so headed off to the pub thinking we would sit, chat, and put the world to rights. Got there thinking I would be there before her for a change, but as usual she beat me to it, and had drinks on the table ready - no nuts though!!!  Luckily the landlord treated us to a portion later on during the evening; I believe he would have treated me to much more if I'd taken up his offer of vodka in my coke and lift home in the morning. Hahaha - randomness at it's best - although after his dream the other week maybe not so random after all :) hahahaha.. For those of you thinking this might be some big new romance, you will be disappointed, as it's just harmless banter and a laugh and joke between us both - I think ;) He has however, promised to line up 6 good looking guys under the mistletoe for me (or himself 6 times over) if I promised to go in on Christmas Eve - how could I refuse? Mind you his definition of good looking may be totally different to mine :) I could end up being traumatised by the experience :) 

So anyway, there we are, sitting having a chat, when all of a sudden I looked towards the bar and see a Robot stood there ordering a pint - you heard me right; I said a Robot :) Did laugh about how he was going to drink his pint, but he cheated and took his head off - I could have made him one of my super straws if he'd wanted :) I have no idea if the guy made the costume himself - I should have asked him that when I told him how much better looking he is in the flesh than on the photo that was behind us of him - but it was bloody brilliant if he did (and if he didn't, whoever did make it for him is very talented). He ended up being joined by an Archer (who is some guy from a tv show called Arrow apparently), the Riddler, Ross and Rachel, Axl Rose, one of the beatles, some characters I'd never seen/heard of before, and the best little red riding hood that I have ever seen (it always makes me feel inadequate as a woman when a bloke looks better in a dress than I would). He had the right figure for the mini-skirted version - I'm thinking Ann Summers - and he knew how to work it... hahaha. 

Turned out it was the lads from the pubs footy team on their Xmas do (we did think the pub was an odd place for a group of normal lads to dress up to visit when they first came in) and their fun was infectious. We had such a good night, and again proved to ourselves (as have on so many occasions before) that alcohol is not needed to enjoy ourselves - although I am being picked up on New Years Eve and the landlord has promised me a margarita or 2; it would be rude to refuse them. 

I'm sure the pub itself adds to the whole great evenings entertainment - it could possibly be a portal to an alternate reality for all we know - and the landlord is such good fun. The locals (I think we are also classed as locals to everyone now even though we're really not) are warm, friendly and always welcoming. I know I should share which pub it is as it's all business for them, but that would then mean more customers, and that could lead to some unsavoury types finding their way in, and before you can say "mines a pint please" the whole atmosphere could change and we'd have to find somewhere else to drink - I don't want that - and I am sure the landlord would rather keep the regulars he has, than see them all move off elsewhere because his pub then gets a reputation as a bit of a dive. Sometimes it's not all about extra money, and I do know during the day and early evening they have a great reputation as a good place to dine, so riff raff would ruin that also :)

Odd things do happen to us elsewhere too - not just the pub - in fact it doesn't matter where we are, there will usually be something that makes us sit back and ask each other "what the hell just happened?" but it does seem to be more intense and strange in the pub. I guess we have met kindred spirits in there :)  

Thursday, 27 November 2014

There's hope for me yet

Just had an old customer come in - she moved away after her folks died - as she was up this way visiting, and wanted to stop by to say hello - some of my customers think I'm fab (not so much the guy that came in lunchtime though to collect the bouquet he ordered this morning, that I had forgotten to make - in my defence he did turn up an hour earlier than he'd said he would, so it's possible I may have remembered in time; it's possible :) ) While we were chatting she couldn't help but flash the beautiful pink, silver (possibly white gold or platinum) and diamond sparkly on the 3rd finger of her left hand at me. Yep; she's just got engaged. Yeah I know I've been there myself before - and yes I know that I've done it more than once - but none of mine have ever worked out, and in the past few weeks I was beginning to doubt whether I will ever get to experience a wedding day - let's face it I'm not getting any younger. Now just because I don't want the whole white dress experience - I'm really not a walk down the aisle in front of everyone, stand around having loads of posed photo's taken before sitting down for a meal surrounded by lots of people I don't even like, kind of girl - doesn't mean I don't want to have a wedding day - I even think if I really made the effort I could make someone a good wife one day :) so to see her in her late 60's so happy and looking forward to her future, has given me massive hope. In 20 years time that could be me :) 

Funny how some days can all be about certain things and events, as I had a long chat with one of my oldest friends earlier and we were talking about relationships, people being together, people wanting to be together, people breaking up, and all that lovey kind of stuff. He paid me a really nice compliment when he said I was more like "one of the boys" although I'm not sure that makes me very good girlfriend material. Maybe that's where I've been going wrong all these years :) Maybe I should try being more girly? Hahaha. Yeah ok. As if that's going to happen. It's nice that he thinks that's why so many guys think so much of me though; because I am considered a female one of them. I've always been that way though, which is why I suffered so much bullying when I was at school, and why people seem to think I've slept my way through a lot of men. I just find I get on easier with males than I do females and there's an ease between me and them. Sadly most females assume I'm flirting with their men - or the man I'm after - when really I'm just being me and conversing with them. Maybe it's because I can hold a conversation when they can't? Who knows? For the record there have not been a lot of men I've slept with at all, and I can just be friends with members of the male species. Most of my best friends are male and I can put my hand on my heart and categorically state that I have never felt any kind of feeling (other than friendship) for any of them, and I know they've never looked at me as anyone other than a "top" friend. It annoys me so much when people think that males and females can't be friends. Maybe some can't but there are a lot of that can. It's a double edged sword though I guess, as my friendships with other men has caused problems in some of my relationships, because the guys I was with didn't believe me and my friends were just friends; because they didn't have or understand a male/female friendship where they'd never had one, they didn't believe me when I said I had no feelings for my male friends. That's not to say there haven't been, there currently aren't, and there won't be men that I do look at in a different way to my male friends, but if they don't look at me in the same way I am able to keep my feelings under wraps and still just be "one of the boys". They'd never even know I had (have, or might have) slightly different feelings towards them than they think or they have for me :) That's one of the nice things about being one of the boys; I also know how to be behave around the ones I do like that I shouldn't because I just act towards them in the same way I do the ones that are just friends. Not sure if I was a proper girly girl whether I would actually be able to do that.

In other news it looks like I am going to start saving to go back to America next year, but this time I shall be visiting family :)  My Mum phoned the cousins out there today and after the great response and conversations they had it seems we may need to get out there. My brother and I were hoping to be able to take her out there for her 70th birthday next year but with money being tight for us both - and he's just been made redundant - the chances weren't looking too good, but I am feeling hopeful. 2014 has been really good to me; I believe 2015 will be even better :)

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

I read a book

last week; not a big thing as I read often (although nowhere near as often as I would like). It wasn't one I chose for myself (and is one I would never have bothered to buy or read) but a friend bought it for me and so it had to be read - just in case they've read it themselves and want to discuss anything in it :) .

It's a kind of self help book, but not - which is why I would never bother to buy such a thing; I tend to think such things mumbo jumbo and a waste of time - however, it made for some really interesting reading (aside from the religious bits in it; they almost put me off finishing it, and have in no way altered my thoughts on gods and religion). 

One whole chapter was dedicated to not letting the negativity of others affect you, and how you live your life, and it really struck a chord with me, because no matter how hard I try not to, I do let the behaviour of others get to me and wind me up. It also mentioned that unless we have anything nice to say, then not to say anything (an old one but one that really does make sense) and so since then I have tried really hard not to let things get to me, and to be more positive. It was working - ish. I've not said anything bad about anyone, to someone else's face, and when I've been on social media I've tried to avoid certain people, and have only shared things that would encourage others to smile - you know what they say about throwing it out there and getting it back ten fold? Then today it all went tits up and pear shaped, when someone this morning who has the worst trait for passing judgement, got themselves bang on one about something, yet they have since gone and done exactly the same thing to me, literally an hour later, so I've had to put up with paddies (that also led onto another issue where they didn't listen to what I was saying, made an assumption and got bang on one about it, before slamming a door in my face because of it) and the bad attitude that is purely down to someone else's negativity - and it winds me up. But I'm still not really talking about them - as such :)  I just needed to vent but thought less people will see this than will see anything on my FB - the place I would normally vent - so I guess in a way the book has made a difference. Before I would have passed on how I'm feeling now, to other people, and would have done to them exactly what I've had done to me; I 'd have passed on the negativity. It's also made a difference in that I've logged off the computer in the evenings, and have tried to avoid getting caught up in the dramas of everyone on social media - I have still had messages so caught bits via my phone, but in between I've been doing other stuff. 

Maybe I'm one of those sensitives you hear about (hahahahaha; but hey, I do have some sensitive qualities) because I really do seem to have the psychic vampires suck the life out of me. Some days it doesn't matter how chipper I may be when I get up, and how much I smile, by the end of the day someone will have wiped it all out of me by their being so negative. As odd as it would sound to people that know me (and therefore hear me complain about crap on a regular basis) I do try to be happy. I want to be happy; I like being happy - it makes me feel good, but other people seem to bring me down with them; then they have a go blaming me for being miserable. It's like one of those vicious circle things. 

Thankfully I don't do jealousy (never have and never will) hence why I never saw the signs when I was being cheated on (more than once) but occasionally I do find myself envious of people. Not because I want what they've got - because a lot of them have nothing - but because I'd like to be more like them. I'd have liked to be more like the friend that made the move on the man we both liked (when I made my thoughts known about how I felt she laughed at me, and said she didn't think of him in that way) but because I was more thoughtful to her feelings when I found out she had decided she liked him too, and not wanting to break *the code*, I took a back seat and she steamed in like a bull in a china shop - as it turned out the happiness she felt at the beginning wasn't to last, and she spent the next umpteen years unhappy - maybe that's a thing called Karma. Did it make me jealous that she had who I wanted? Nope, because if he'd been interested in me, he'd never have got with her in the first place. 

This is why I don't do jealousy; if something is meant to be then it will. I've never been jealous of friends and family that have children (although one naming her child the name I always said I would give to mine because she knew I couldn't have them, and therefore wouldn't ever use the name did hurt a bit - but hurt is completely different to jealousy) but I did feel slight envy at how easy one of my friends found it to fall pregnant (she fell so easy she ended up getting rid of a couple) but again, if I was meant to have been a Mum then nature would have seen to it that I was. Instead I got to be the crazy Aunty to my numbers 1,2 and 3, which meant I actually got the best bits of them. I got to do the fun stuff with them, without any of the hassle and stress that being a parent can bring. So again, it's proof that being jealous doesn't do anybody any good at all - it's also not in my nature. I am however, very envious of people that still have both their parents alive, and nothing annoys me more than friends that are blessed with both - who are great people - yet all they do is complain about them. If you have both still alive - even if some days they get you to the point where you want to batter them about the head with an umbrella - feel grateful each and every day. 

Now you're all wondering what jealousy has to do with the start of this entry, and you may be thinking I've lost it again and am going off on a tangent, but I'm not really, because some of the shit I get from certain people is because they are jealous of me. I know; how mad is that? How do I know they are? Well the snide comments are normally the biggest give away :) The "I wish I could afford a holiday like you had but I can only just about pay the bills" have been rife from one person; well maybe if they stopped wasting all their money with online gambling then they could. The "I can't afford a new car - you must be earning too much" comment I got from someone else made me chuckle (while pissing me off at the same time) as the person in question was just telling me about a holiday they've booked for next year, and how much money they've recently spent on electronic equipment they didn't need as the bits they were replacing were less than 18 months old. I saved every penny to pay for my holiday (and was lucky enough to be able to borrow the money for the car with a very small monthly repayment or I would never have got one) it took me years of going without; I never went out, bought myself anything, or spent money on things other than bills for years to be able to pay to go away, yet there they were wasting thousands on things they don't need and whining about how unlucky they were because they couldn't afford to do what I've done.  Am I jealous they have all the electronic equipment? Nope, because if I want it then I can save for it. Simple as. I may envy people that can afford to just go out and buy things without having to worry - and I do envy people that can afford to travel more than I can - but I am never jealous of them. They may have worked hard for the money to pay for it, or some may have lost a loved one that left them some money. I'd rather stay at home all day than lose someone I love and be able to travel. It's all about perspective. 

Then there are the ones that have everything, and when you see them you ask "Hi, how are you?" and as the words come out of your mouth you kick yourself, because you know they are going to reply in the most pathetically dejected way possible, and be the epitome of doom and gloom. I try to avoid these people at all costs, but there are 2 that I just can't escape from.

Which is why this morning pissed me off so much. The whole "woe is me, the world is against me" attitude of someone that does to others the exact thing they are complaining about. 

That's it now; I've got it out of my system. Back to finding some positive people to share the love with :) 

Tuesday, 18 November 2014

And the week's only just started

As I sit at the computer on my lunch break I feel like I've already been here a week, and yet the reality is I've managed 4.5 hours so far; it's going to be a really, really, really loooooong week. I knew when I woke up thinking it was 3 or 4 am, so could turn back over and have another couple of hours sleep, only to have the alarm scream at me almost immediately after I began to roll over, it was likely to be one of "those" days but hoped that I might be wrong. 

I've copied the post from the shops blog to give you some idea of how it started... but then when you get through that, there is more of my own stuff too.. 

8am: Clive leaves with a funeral tribute that has to be delivered to a directors in Portsmouth by 9am at the latest. Allowing for the fact it’s Monday and wet (which is always a recipe for disaster on our road networks) the hour to get there was practical. By 8.35 when he hadn't even reached the M275 and was sat in stationery traffic, he phoned me to give the directors the heads up that he was on the way but was currently sat in traffic (they give us the latest time for a delivery but I think sometimes they tell us to be there a lot earlier than we need to be to allow for traffic themselves). Hoping someone would be there at that time (they’re often not) I rang and was lucky enough to get through, to be told they didn't have a funeral today with the name we were given. I double checked I had the right directors (and did) so asked the woman on the phone if she was sure? She was; she also checked every 11.15 funeral they have between today and the 1st December just in case we had got the date wrong. All her checks drew a blank, so I thanked her for her help, and proceeded to ring the customer who ordered the flowers; I got an answerphone so had to leave a message. I then told Clive to hang tight and I’d get back to him as soon as I could. 

Hanging up the phone to Clive, the shop phone rang, so I answered hoping it would by my customer with the funeral details, but what I got instead was a very upset lady (who has every right to be) asking why her flowers weren't delivered on Saturday? Thankfully the order wasn't coming from our shop; it was an order that I phoned through to a shop in Essex. They’d accepted the order and taken my money for payment, so I went through the usual checks with my customer – had they spoken to the recipient over the weekend to know the flowers hadn't arrived? Had I got the right address? And several others I use to verify the information – to find the answer was “yes” to all my questions. I asked her to give me half an hour to sort out with the shop that had the order what may have gone wrong. When I phoned the shop they admitted they had forgotten all about it – not something that happens often, thankfully, but I had to admire their honesty, even though I was pretty angry about it. I do realise they are only human, and occasionally mistakes happen. They offered to deliver today instead and promised to send something as an apology as well as adding more flowers to the order. My customer was obviously disappointed when I rang her back to explain what happened, but thanked me for sorting it for her.  

This still left the funeral to sort and see if I could find out what happened. I phoned all 4 crematoriums in the area to see if they were dealing with the service. I rang every funeral director (from Chichester to Southampton, via Gosport and Waterlooville) I could think of (including all the ones that belong to the co-op but still pretend to be independent, as well as ringing the co-op too). I drew a blank with everyone. Once I’d exhausted all the options I could think about, I then set to getting on with today’s jobs.

One of those jobs found me out in the kitchen bleaching and scrubbing the vases. We have an alarm on the shop doors that buzzes in the kitchen for me, so I know if someone has come in while I am out there. Either this didn't work, or someone left the door open when they went out of the building (it's an easy enough thing to do when there's so much going on) because I suddenly sensed something at the same time as hearing a noise from behind me. Spinning round I saw 2 lads (late teens early 20’s) about to get to the lobby area at the back of the shop. They can’t have seen me because when I asked loudly “Um, what are you doing” they both jumped and started to walk back down the corridor and into the shop. I followed and then saw another one stood by the shop door – I have no idea if he was just hanging back or keeping an eye out for people that may be coming along. One of them answered “we saw the door was open and nobody was in here so wanted to check everything was ok”. I would truly love to believe them, but I have never seen them before in the area, they looked exceptionally guilty when they knew realised I was there, and they couldn't get out of the shop quick enough. If they were really worried I think they might possibly have hung around a bit longer to explain themselves a bit better. After they’d gone and I shut the door I checked all the security cameras which definitely seems to back up my theory more than work in their defence. 

All of this happened before 9.30 this morning; I’m hoping it’s not a pre-cursor to how the rest of the week will continue.

Post note; our customer got back to us on the tribute we hadn't been able to deliver with the correct details, and we were able to get the flowers delivered to the funeral with just minutes to spare – but at least they were where they needed to be in time.

Actually the other bits aren't bad, as I was finally able to piss on the bonfires of some of the past months sad stirrers. How people get any kind of enjoyment making up stories, rumours, and stirring the shit pot is beyond me. It really is very pathetic - although sometimes some of the things I hear about myself do entertain me; if only I really did lead such an exciting life :) Todays putting to rest was the postcard fiasco. OMG what a palava that has been. Who knew so many people could dine out on someone not receiving the postcard I sent? I've genuinely been shocked by the behaviour and attitude of some people.  

On holiday - did I mention I'd been to the USA? :) - I spent a whole evening writing postcards to everyone back home (actually I typed them as I used Funky Pigeon so they were my own photo's I'd taken while away, and also so they would be posted from the UK meaning I knew they'd arrive in time - this is where the crap started). I wrote them in batches, and after each batch you choose when you want them posted. Now I left home at 8am on the Wednesday morning; by the time I wrote the cards it was Sunday evening and I'd managed a total of 15 hours sleep between leaving home and writing the cards, so I was pretty tired. As a result when it came to choosing the dispatch date I didn't really have much of a clue, and it has since transpired (after many emails and phone calls between me and funky pigeon who I accused of taking my money and not posting the cards) that I had hit the calender date wrong, and scheduled one batch to not be posted until the 13th November instead of October - an easy thing to do when you've not slept - but it meant some people got cards but others associated with those that did, didn't. This is where the shitters had their field day. There's been all sorts floating around getting back to me. One person told another I didn't sent them one because I didn't like them (when actually it's the one whose card arrived that I don't like out of the 2 of them). Another friend was told they didn't get one because of something they'd done to another mutual friend recently - it's just been one pathetic thing after another. One friend didn't get her card, but her separated husband did (thankfully she's known me long enough to not make an issue of it). Who would have thought a few postcards could cause so much trouble? I wouldn't mind but I even sent them to people I can't stand so that none of this - I got one and you never, or she doesn't like you because she left you out - crap could happen. Next time (and there will be a next time) I'll deliberately leave people out so they've got something to whine (or stir) about. I'm sure I stopped being 12 a really long time ago?  I'm too old for playground stuff which thankfully (for now at least) is behind me - until the next time.

Saturday, 15 November 2014

Oh what a night....

yes I was singing the song as I typed the headline, but oh my; what a night. 

Last night I entered some surreal - other - world. It's over 24 hours later and I am still trying to get to grips with what happened :) I definitely feel that at one point I stepped into an alternate reality of some kind - and I wasn't there alone, because I looked at the landlord of the pub I was in, to see his face resembled how I assumed mine was looking, and several times he looked over at me with a "are you witnessing what I'm witnessing?" look on his face. I was indeed witnessing it with him, not really knowing what was going on :) 

It started as a normal evening. I got home, grabbed some food, showered, dressed, put a face on and hopped in my car, to drive to our local (it's 6 miles away but is what we consider our local) where I met the nutty one for a catch up. We try to get together over there once a month - always on a Friday - but I'd not been since July; she goes there now and then with other people so they don't think we're deserting them :) I did find it odd when I pulled into the car park and saw how full it was (the reason we go there on a Friday is because it's never too busy, so we can have a chat without loads of noise in the background). In fact it was that busy I did consider suggesting we went elsewhere, but we took our chances and actually when we got inside, it was nowhere near as busy as it appeared from outside; our usual table was empty too, which is always a bonus. Turned out that a local garage had a bit of a get together after work, which is why there were so many cars to begin with - they'd all left by 8pm. 

The landlord (we'll call him James - because that's his name) seemed pleased to see us (no idea why because we don't drink a lot while in there) and so we passed some pleasantries (by that I mean abuse in a friendly manner) with each other; we also tried to get the gossip out of him with regards to a dream he mentioned he'd had about the Nutty one (we did get a small snippet of that out of him later and I can only say if a psychoanalyst was to listen to the portion we got they'd have a field day - am hoping we get the rest next time we go over :) ). We then made our way through the garage men (I had to yell at a few to move so my hot nuts didn't get cold before I got to enjoy them) and we plonked our fat arses down on our seats and set about telling each other what we've been up to (I had many, many things to share). 

When the garage guys left a couple of lads came over to the pool table and began a game, while 3 other blokes and 2 girls (one girl was wearing a backless playsuit with a normal bra - ladies backless with a proper bra is NEVER a good look) sat down at a table opposite us. Never seen any of them before but as I say I'd not been over for a while. There were also some lads in from a local footy team but they sit in a corner further over, and a few made their way to the bar. In the restaurant were some foodies and at the bar was a local guy (he always sits in the same spot and in 5 years I have never not seen him there). Can you tell I'm trying to set a scene for you all here? 

Anyway. We caught up, we shared and everything in the pub was tickety boo, when Mr Regular (who is totally harmless) came over to the pool table to shoot a few balls with the lads that were playing. He was pretty drunk and you could see just looking at him that focus was going to be hard for him, and he was actually looking at me (well through me because of his lack of focus) when the short guy of the group on the table opposite shouted to him "Why you staring at me; what's your f**king problem?". Oh yes; he had short man syndrome. Well Mr Regular ignored him because as far as he was aware the short man couldn't have been talking to him - he was after all staring in my direction. Well short man (probably had a small dick too) wasn't going to let it go and walked over to Mr R and got into his chest (a normal person would have been in his face) and started to have a go. In the end Mr R turned away from him and started to walk off. Next thing 2 really Fugly guys (who thought they were Phil and Grant Mitchell) decided to wade in (they were the other 2 that were with short man) and were giving Mr R a load of shit - the poor guy still didn't have a clue what was going on and was trying to walk away from them. He said he only wanted to play a game of pool but would sit back at the bar because he didn't want any trouble. Short man and Fuglies then followed him to the bar where it all kicked off a bit. A few punches were thrown, the football lads went running over, the girls with fuglies stood on their chairs to see what was going on, the 2 lads playing pool stopped what they were doing to contemplate jumping in. It was really over before it began and shorty and fuglies marched to their table, grabbed their coats, the girls jumped up following like lap dogs and they left - they had only just bought a round of drinks that got left on the table which seemed like a waste to me. James asked us later where we were when he needed back up.. hahahaha.. told him I could see he had it under control but we were ready when we thought he needed us :)  He then told someone else at the bar the only person that he's ever been scared of is me.. hahahaha (if I was able to share his dream then I can understand why he would say that ;) ) 

This is when things went a bit surreal. Pool guy 1 said to pool guy 2 "What colour was I?" they'd literally just broke on their game when it all kicked off. P2 replied "haven't a clue". The nutty one then chipped in, as she pointed to the table covered in pool balls "that one" :) Luckily they had a sense of humour and laughed about how helpful she'd been. She then said "must be hard to know what you're doing with your balls all mixed up". Next thing P2 is grabbing his balls through his jeans to check all is in the right place; P1 went that one step further and before I could actually register what was happening, his balls were out and cupped in his hands almost in the nutty one's face. Well, I turned my head away like some old prude where I was shocked, but the Nutty one made sure she got a right eyeful ;) Later when James asked us where we were when he needed us, we told him the truth "we were checking out mens balls"!! :) Not really the truth because I was trying not to check them out - he definitely keeps it all trimmed :) 

Things were just settling back down to some kind of normality, when on the Tv we could see what looked like S Club 7 were about to perform on Children in Need. One of the footy lads then shouts to turn the volume up and and is going on about Rachel Stevens and her not turning up at Butlins when he'd paid to see her, and the next thing I witnessed is a group of late teen/early 20's men - yes MEN - not only singing along to S Club but also doing the dance moves to the song. Not only them though; oh no. Everyone in that pub - apart from me and James - were singing and doing the moves. It really was as though I had stepped into another realm. Even now I am still not sure what happened or what I witnessed. Nothing like that has ever happened to me before - I kind of hope it never happens again too :) 

As quickly as the moment started, so it ended.  I don't think I should be allowed out to play with the Nutty one any more; strange, random - occasionally amazingly wonderful - things seem to happen when we get together :)