Monday, 21 July 2014

So; How come

you're still single then? 

Yep; the words I love to hear - no really I do, and on such a regular basis from people too - NOT.  The next words were so predictable too; "Are you a lesbian? Is that why?". The answer to that question is simple. No, I am not; not that it would matter or be anyone else's business if I were.

The answer to the original question is never an easy one to answer. I have many different responses depending on who is asking. Sometimes I just reply with "Because nobody wants me". This one is the absolute truth (I know; how could men not want me? I am so desirable :) ) but is not the full reason. Another I use is "Because I don't have time". Now this isn't entirely true. Yes I do have a really busy life with the shop, but if I really wanted to find time for a man then I would do (see back to my nobody wants me response) but as nobody yet has offered themselves up to me, then finding the time is not something I have to do, and telling people I am too busy is as good an answer as any. My 3rd response (again this one has truth to it, but is not absolute) is that the one guy from my past I would have happily married is dead, so what's the point? Again, yes he truly is dead, but refer above to my bit about if someone came along and offered themselves (and I liked them of course too - there have been a couple offer themselves up but I just couldn't force myself to take them up on their offer, no matter how lovely or genuine they were) I wouldn't refuse.

Now for the real reason. Aside from the fact that I really don't do anything to myself to attract a man (I believe if someone wants me they'll want me for what's on the inside and not the out - and that will make things really hard when I've lost the weight, because if a man then decides he wants me I won't know if it's because of the outside or inside - oh my, I do over-analyze don't I?) I also know that I am not a viable proposition to anyone. Go back to the 18th century and my Dad wouldn't have been able to palm me off to a suitor because of our financial situation (actually he probably could have as he was always trying to set me up with people, and he had connections, so back in those days he would have just passed me on regardless, because that's what happened at the time) but had I been fatherless in those days then (as I am now) I would have been husband-less as much then, as I am now, because I have no fortune. I have nothing to offer in other words. Yes I have the shop, but lets face it, that can only just about pay its own bills at the best of times (even less when customers that are friends don't bother to settle their bills) but it's not making money and is worth nothing (to anyone else that is; to me it's worth the world as it keeps me employed). It owes Clive a small fortune still from when we first started (we really did lose so much money when we were in Horndean) that I think he is realistic enough to understand he will never get back - so I could never tempt a man with that. 

Because the shop is struggling to hold it's own, I can't afford to take a big wage and am currently on about £1.29 per hour. Out of that money I have to pay my own bills (and am still trying to pay off the debts I accrued thanks to a wanker of an ex - but I've ranted about him enough for you all to know how he stitched me up) so by the middle of the month I have nothing left. I own nothing - not even my car yet that is playing up worse than normal right now - as I still have a couple of payments to make on it. The fish tanks are mine as such but I had to use my overdraft to pay for them, so until that's paid off I don't even own them. Some of the clothes on my back I possibly own now, but the rest have come from a catalogue as that's the only way I can afford to buy them, so I technically don't own those either. 

Do you see where I'm going with all this? How could I ever get myself involved with someone when I couldn't afford to put anything into the relationship (except my time and amazing company of course). I'm not one of those people that has ever relied on anyone else (hence how I'm so poor and my exes are all doing so well) except for the occasional loan from a friend (normally Clive) that is always paid back by the time I promise to get it back by. Obviously without my Mum being nice and letting me move back home, I have no idea where I would be living, and do have to rely on her for that, but between us we do things for each other so although I am relying on her for a roof over my head, she does get it paid back in other ways so I never take advantage of her.  But to expect a man to pay for my keep is something that I could never do (and have never done) and until I can support myself and put my equal share into a relationship, then how can I offer myself up as available? This is why I am single - plain and simple really. 

I just wish people would stop asking why..... 

Sunday, 20 July 2014

I feel

so bloody good it's unbelievable :)  although I am slightly tired as I've worked really hard this week (and am off to work today after I've been out with a couple of friends and the dogs for the morning) and the thunderstorms on Thursday night meant I got only 2 hours sleep so could have done with today off, but if there is work to be done then I have to do it (will also try and fit in a few bits and pieces of my own I want to try and get sorted, but they may have to work until next week.

The eating well is helping too and when I stepped on the scales this morning (nearly wasn't able to as the battery had run out, but I managed to nick one out of the kitchen scales) I was exceptionally happy to find I had lost 7.5lb. Get in :) I'm even more chuffed as I went out on Tuesday and ate a massive carb filled meal (which was a lovely so thank you to the chef; I know you read this) that I had no idea on how many calories or carbs were in it so basically wrote the whole day off, so to still lose that much has me bouncing off the walls. I know that whenever I start eating well the first couple of weeks I always do well, but as I am super-determined this time (have I mentioned I'm off to the US?) because I want the helicopter to take off, and I don't want to sink the raft on the river :) I'm annoyed I didn't stick to it earlier in the year when I started, as I could have been down to my goal weight by now, which would mean I'd be looking mighty fine too, but I think until I finally paid the balance on the holiday, I still didn't believe it would happen; now I know it is, I have to get off my fat arse and do something. Just need to start on the sit-ups and get my weights out now to tone some of my bingo wings (if that's possible) and with a bit of luck that will help me look even better. I am now more hopeful I may be able to do 3 stone before I go (that will mean I am still 3.5 higher than I had planned to be at the beginning of the year) but any loss is going to make me look (and feel) better. 

Now yesterday; I'm not entirely sure who I was, or what happened to me (and am still trying to get a grip) but I went out with my brother to have a look at some cars, and I found myself not only disliking the new Megane (I know; who am I?) but I told the man in the garage it was ugly too. I did like the Dacia they had but it was too big (again who am I? that's never bothered me before as I've just chosen what I want) so I left that garage without a thing. I'm not sure my brother could quite believe what was going on, or if I had been replaced - he did look quite shell shocked for the rest of the time I was with him. After visiting many garages, and being tempted by a Fiat 500 (purely because of the colour though) I found myself really like the Fiat Panda. It's a perfect size for what I need (will fit the kids and camping gear in next year for our annual June camping). Mum will be able to get in and out; the dog will have plenty of room and it just felt like a really nice car and a lot bigger than it is, so it covers all bases. Is cheap to run and will be easy to park (once the whole size deception is conquered) but it feels like driving a scenic, so is very spacious, and I surprised myself by loving it. I now need to find a way to come up with the money to pay for one, because I really would like one. I think I can get the one I want for £120 a month, which is nothing in the grand scheme of things but is a massive amount of money to me (wouldn't be if the wanker that is now sat on his hundreds of thousands for being a liar, cheat and down right bastard hadn't stitched me up and left me with his massive debts, but thats the past and there's nothing I can do about it) but I'm not going to let that put me off. I really liked it; it drove beautifully and I could see myself bombing about in one, so will have to see if I can get me a pay rise :) 

Right; I can't sit here all day doing what I want. I have a dog to walk and a lot of work to be doing. Enjoy your day everyone. :) 

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Have I mentioned

that I'm off to the USA in October? 12 weeks today to be precise? 

I've not told you? Well now that's shocking, as I was sure I might have mentioned it to the odd person now and again :) 12 week, 10 hours and 10 minutes until I am due to take off - at this precise moment in time; that will have changed by the time I publish this entry :) 

I paid the final balance and for the optional extras on Saturday; I almost didn't bother though I must admit as I had really bad computer problems getting onto their site to pay the balance online - it took me about an hour and numerous attempts - I kept telling everyone it was a sign I shouldn't be going. Then when I phoned to book the optional trips the woman in the office had the same problems. We were on the phone for 25 minutes while she tried to get her computer to work - a sign not to go? I did seriously think it might be, but paid for it anyway. Then someone said to me yesterday "It's better to get the blips out of the way before you travel" and that is so true. So I'm off; 12 weeks today if you didn't already know :) Oh and the Snake River boat ride that I've booked, isn't actually a boat at all; it's a blow up RAFT ... eek. A few people have asked if I'm worried about falling in the river, but to be honest I'm more worried I'm going to get my camera wet :) I'm hoping it will be a good weather day as apparently the scenery is stunning, and that's what I'm hoping for. It best be if I'm getting on a blow up raft on a fast flowing river that's for sure. 

With scenery like this a river float just has to be done :) 
I really can't put into words how excited I am - to think I set myself a challenge to get out there in October 2014 all those years ago, and now here I am preparing to go there in the very month and year I set my challenge for is so not like me :) Normally I come up with an idea or plan and someone throws a spanner in the works and I end up not being able to do what it is I want, or I do something completely different (and I know this isn't quite the exact trip I had planned but in one way it's the perfect trip for me - it also means the other places I would have visited had I been doing my own trip, are places I can work towards to visit in the future, so it's all a bonus really). 

On the something completely different, my brothery dear is trying to talk me into a new car. Now as it stands right now I literally don't have a penny to my name, but I am about to try and claim back some ppi - which if I am able to would help towards clearing some of my debt -at which point I would be able to afford something a bit better and newer. He's almost talked me into a Skoda (I know; me and a Skoda.. shudder) but these days they are made my VW so don't have the same stigma attached. He's also trying to talk me into a 1 litre which is something I would never have entertained but then when he told me his big beast of a car is only a 1.2 I thought why not give it a try. At the end of the day I do minimal driving these days and 90% of what I do drive is back roads, so a 1 litre would make sense. He says I should do one of these hire thingy's where you have the car for so long, then either hand it back, pay whatever is left on it, or trade up for another new one. Again not an idea I would have ever entertained in the past, but the Skoda comes with full servicing and tax included so literally the only bills I would have to pay out for would be the insurance and fuel; everything else would be covered. With the amount of money I've spent on cars over the past 3 years, buying a brand new one in this way would actually be a cheaper option for me. The only thing I'm not convinced by is the size of them. I got rid of the micra because it wasn't big enough, and the one I have now is only just about big enough (for every day use it's a great size but for camping - which I know is only once or twice a year - it's not the best on the size front) and I have a feeling the skoda may be smaller. That wouldn't be any good for me. But I'm not discounting anything and will try and get down to have a look at one. There are other cars I would really like, but they are not only dearer, they also don't come with all the extra bits so would cost even more on top; and as they say "Beggars can't be choosers".

Ooh; did I mention 12 weeks today I'm off to the USA? :) 

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

I'm back

the Bookay me that is - did ya miss me?

I tried so hard to be the other me, but it just wasn't going to happen. I am Miss Bookay and always will be (even if I married a Mr Smith - ooh nearly did that once -or a Mr Farquad. Thankfully I managed to re-instate all the bookay bits I'd deleted, except for Instagram (I am now MissBookay1 and missing Ugly Kid Joe as followers :( but it could be worse :) - I've also lost my previous photo's and the newer ones are copyrighted SarahB instead of MissBookay, but hey ho).. and I've lost everyone that added me on G+ (I've also deleted all my other google bits but am sure I can get them back) but again at least nobody else stole her (me). A lovely lady at Pinterest got back all my pins for me so I'm hopeful on the other bits and pieces. 

Oh the bride from Friday - you know the one I moaned about? I had her mother in law on the phone first thing yesterday morning (my heart rate soared - and not in a good way - when she said who she was) and I braced myself as she told me who she was ready to have a go, when she said "I just wanted to thank you for the stunning flowers on Saturday. Everything was beautiful and you did us proud". Well you could have picked me up off the floor (if you were a strong enough body builder because let's face it if I was genuinely flat out on the floor you'd injure yourself severely trying to move me). She then came in yesterday afternoon with her husband to return the vases and mirrors I loaned them and thanked me again. I guess all the hassle was worth it in the long run; I can only imagine how they could have wiped the floor with me and the business over the net if they had been that way inclined. 

Ahh customers; I just had to stop writing this to take a phone call at the shop. The time is currently 14.33 and I had a guy on the end of the phone wanting me to get flowers delivered to his wife in town (2 miles away) by 3. Now; I know I am a bit of a miracle worker, but I really do struggle when it comes to the impossible. Aside from the fact I have no driver here - I could close the shop to nip out and do it for him - I don't actually have anything made up that was for the price he wanted to spend £20. Again, I am quick so can perform a miracle but what company anywhere would guarantee they could deliver something within 27 minutes? Strike that as I am sure some would be able to if the item was already correct and they would also charge a small fortune for doing so, but when it's something that needs to be making up I doubt anybody would be able to do. And for just £20? It would cost me more than that in parking charges in our town (I was there for 6 minutes on Friday and it cost me £1.50 - what a rip off).

Sunday, 13 July 2014

There's something fishy

about today :) 

That's right; I've been sorting out the fish once and for all. There are now 4 tanks in our house (double what we wanted and planned on) but at least everything now has a home and all are happy. 

We start with the tropicals I bought a few  months back. They have now been seperated; the females/toddlers and babies are in their original tank. 

The Mummy/Toddler/Baby tank - the 2 Mums are up the top of the green week (there is a gold toddler above the gold Mum) Bottom left is a gold toddler and in the middle at the bottom is a baby :)

Then there is the Daddy tank; they are not happy at being taken away from their floozy baby mama's but I really don't need any more :) - I am aware that the females could already be pregnant, but at least they won't be once they've had any - the young males will be removed as soon as they are big enough too, although so far all the babies appear to be female. 

The Daddies - Only Fergus is visible, but Friedrich is hiding in there somewhere and Ferdinand was mooching
 Those 2 tanks are in my room, and a very nice addition they make too. This morning the rescue fish were in this tank, which was way too small for them but all I had at the time, and it did what I needed it to do. They are now in a bigger tank downstairs in the hallway - honestly we've had to re-arrange the house for these fish and I'm sure they don't appreciate it :) All this expense to help someone out, but it's nice to have a fish tank where there was a tumble drier and it gives people something to talk about when they come into the house. 

The cold water rescue ones; there are 4 of them but the reflection is covering them. The ornaments came with the fish but seem to fit the tank quite well
And last but not least there is Mildred and Carlos.  Mildred has been in the living room for years (think she's about 7 or 8 right now). She's been on her own that whole time, but when we first got the rescue guys they went in with her - but they didn't get on so had to be moved. They also came with Carlos (I love Carlos and want him in my tank) but as she was happy to share with him we didn't remove him when we removed the others, and the 2 of them seem to have built up quite a good symbiotic relationship (she's a grumpy sod and he ignores her). 

Mildred is at the top; Carlos is going incognito behind the pink crab :)

and that pretty much sums up my day and spending so long with my arms in fish water is punishment for getting up so late this morning. I was having the weirdest dream and someone had just shot me; think the bang was a noise outside that coincided, but it woke me up. However, I was still feeling really tired so I rolled over, pulled the sheet up and was ready to give myself up to the rest of the dream when I heard my clock say "it's 10am". Well I was up and out of my bed in a flash. I never lay in later than 8 on a Sunday (I had been awake at just gone 6 and considered getting up but thought I'd have another half an hour or so) but this morning it was not to be. Had I not been shot in the dream I think could have easily stayed there all day. 

Saturday, 12 July 2014

I can't even

begin to put into words how bloody angry I was yesterday afternoon/evening. I rant a lot - no really; I do :) - but I rarely genuinely lose my temper these days. Yesterday was the exception, and had I been face to face with the woman that upset me I would have smacked her one (and I am not a violent person). I know some people that will throw things when they're angry, and I have been known to launch my phone on the odd occasion, but my thing when I get really angry is to kick something - I've booted cars in the past, but normally whichever wall is closest. This is also a very rare thing for me to do, so when I got off the phone, I launched it at the same time as I booted the cupboard door.

What got me so angry? A bloody bride that's who. She's been a pain in the arse from day one. She was the one that got the wedding package we donated to a local radio stations charity day - her mother in law bid in an auction for it and got a cracking deal. Now the deal - this was for fresh flowers and a brides bouquet, 2 bridesmaid, 1 flower girl (flowers of roses, germini, lisianthus and freesia, 6 vases with either lilies or gerbera, 1 top table, groom and best man buttonholes, Dads buttonholes and Mums corsages. At first this was what the bride was going to have - then it all changed. The whole thing changed and by the time the order was complete, she had an extra bridesmaid, cake flowers, extra buttonholes, vases and mirrors - she also wanted flowers that were not the ones agreed. I could have refused to do what she wanted, but at the end of the day I always buy extra so making a few more wasn't a hardship and I thought for the sake of a few quid it was easier to give her what she wanted.

For months there have been emails back and forth with her asking for this to be changed, or that to be made so she can see how it will look beforehand. Finally I thought we had it sorted and I ended up typing out and sending her the 7th revised copy of her order; this she was happy with and told me it was just what she wanted, so I bought all the bits I needed for it and got on with making the bouquets and bits up ready.

Thankfully being artificial, it meant we were we able to deliver the day before (yesterday) as we had so much to do, and so many places to be for one of our other weddings today; this was also a good thing as you will find out if you are keeping up with me and still reading.

Off goes the driver to deliver the flowers - he and I had previously had a heated discussion about the back door being open - he told me when I'd left the night before I'd told him I'd locked up, when in fact I know I hadn't because if one of them is still here these days I don't bother locking up (they never bother if they leave before me). I also hadn't been out the back to open the door, so I wasn't in the best of moods as it was. This was added to when he phoned me and had a go that he had an hour to hang around in the hotel car park because of the time he was delivering; now he and I had a discussion about the delivery times and everything was organised around him and the bride before, so to have a moan about times really pissed me off when really I'd had nothing to do with it.

An hour later I get a phone call from the bride who is complaining there is no pale pink in the bridesmaid bouquets. I had her order in front of me and told her she didn't want pale pink in them, at which point she went off on one and was hurling abuse down the phone at me. The time was 4.15pm and she wanted me to travel 50 miles to put pale pink in that she hadn't ordered, and she wanted 3 small deeper pink heads removed. Told her there was no way I would be able to track down the flowers she wanted at that time of day on a Friday, but said she could just take out the darker and it wouldn't even notice. I won't bore you with all the details, but when I got off the phone I launched it across the shop and booted one of the cupboard doors so hard I'm sure my neighbour must have thought I was coming through to her side; I really was very angry. Even more so as I had plans for yesterday evening with the Nutty one and had to let her down last week to visit my sickly number 1.

Anyway, being the amazing person I am, I managed to track down the flowers she required, picked the Nutty one up on the way (she was warned she may need to stop me knocking out a brides teeth, so she was prepared) and headed off to sort it, and sort it I did with amazing restraint I must admit.

I'd like to say I'll never do another wedding but that's not true but I certainly won't be doing anyone any more favours that's for sure.

Tuesday, 8 July 2014

How excited?

This much excited >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> and a whole load more too.

What has caused this bout of excitement? Only the arrival of my ETSA form last night, along with the list of optional extra trips I can do, and booking confirmation for my holiday. Woop woop; in fact today I saw that the trip is fully booked, so that's 40 odd new people to meet - yeah I know; they may well not be my people, but that's why I'm booking each and every optional extra there is. That does mean some pre-dawn starts but I will only be this young once, and have to take the bull by the horns. There is enough in the holiday fund (in fact I'll have £11 left over after paying for everything) so there's no excuse not to do it - there is a weight limit on the flights too so I really do have to kick myself into losing some more weight or I'll be paying for flights I can't take. 

So you want to know what I shall be doing and where I shall be going? Ok then, I shall tell you :) 

I arrive in Denver - that's Colorado don't you know - at 7 in the evening; I leave the hotel there 13 hours later (who needs to sleep anyway?).  From there I'll be heading to Rapid City (South Dakota) via Cheyenne and Fort Laramie - there will be photos :) Next day sees me heading to Deadwood via Mount Rushmore and Crazy Horse memorial as well as a trip to the Badlands (this is the one place I wish I had longer, and I also wish I could visit the Wounded Knee memorial while there but sadly that's not an option). 

I then spend the day in Deadwood (Calamity Jane country) before heading to Sheridan (again if I was doing my own trip I would stick a visit to Devils Tower along the way). The next day is the big one for me as it's to the Little Bighorn Battlefield and I think we have pretty much all day there. Have wanted to visit there my whole life - there really will be loads of photo's taken there; get to spend the night in Cody. 

Leaving Cody it's off to Yellowstone (I shall be looking out for Yogi and Boo Boo while there) and I can't wait to visit Old Faithful, although I have heard that the smell of sulpher can be quite strong, so must remember a headache pill just in case.  From Yellowstone it's off to Jackson Hole and the Grand Tetons, but I'm also doing the 13 mile Snake River optional trip - it's meant to be cold in October but I love the cold and can only imagine how spectacular the scenery will be :) 

Jackson gives way to Salt Lake City for 2 nights. There is a whole day free to explore there but in case I don't like the other's on the trip I have decided to do the extra tour and will be spending the day out on the lake which should be good fun. 

Then we leave the colder states and head off to the heat and will be visiting Arches National Park; not one I've been to before but I believe there will be some fabulous photo ops, so expect lots of pics again. :) Next day takes me to Mesa Verde (been there before; was where I had my yellow scorpion and rattler experience so not really a place I want to see, but I do have a better camera now than I had back then so will be sure to take photos.

Now this day will be fab. First off I am doing the flight over Monument Valley, and then later that day I am doing the Jeep tour through the valley, so I will see it from above and below. Never got there when I was that way before so am really looking forward to visiting and seeing it. We're also going to stop at Four Corners so I shall have to be a sand angel and have hands and feet in different states (it's a crossroads point for 4 different states). 

Grand Canyon next; doing a helicopter flight over it, but I have to admit I thought it was nothing special when I visited before. Again this time round I have a better camera so might appreciate it a wee bit more but it really didn't impress me. The next day however is a trip to Bryce Canyon and that astounded me last time so I'm looking forward to going back there. I only hope this time it's not icy - thank goodness for the strong railings that I smacked into, stopping me plunging hundreds of feet onto the rocks below. 

Another day sees a visit to Zion National Park and I loved this place last time too - still wear a ring I bought there. As someone that likes rocks and stuff this place is a dream to visit. Actually the whole trip is a dream from a rock point of view :) 

Then the last day is in Las Vegas - staying at the Stratosphere hotel so I may have to venture to the top of that. I'm going to do the night tour this time (we couldn't afford to do it last time) and am looking forward to seeing it at night - it's not really my kind of place during the day but it's a place that has to be experienced. I have the morning there too before heading to the airport so I have decided any cash I might have left on me that morning I will spend on the Craps table - no idea how to play craps but that's the one I've chosen.